Howie and Otis?! What a pair -- Lydia certainly has a mixture routing for her.

kav

It's wonderful how everyone has pulled together for Lydia, Jack and Sue!!

Love Otis and Howie - I guess we can count them among the "uncles"!!

Lydia has so many wonderful people to support her.

How emotional. It seems like little Lydia is growing stronger each day. What a blessing that they have such a wonderful support system.

Chapter 9

They moved you this afternoon, as we walked through the ward to your room I couldn’t help but compare you to the full-term babies – you were so small and vulnerable even now, Lydia and I could feel tears filling my eyes. You’ve come so far but I’m still so scared things could go wrong and we could lose you.

The only other person who knows these fears is God - for everyone else I try to appear upbeat and confident, although I think your mom might know how I’m feeling. She’s pretty intuitive but she hasn’t asked, just gives me these funny looks. She can read me like a book, she often knew when I was hurting or worried at work, she’d make a point of taking me for dinner or we’d walk Levi and she’d manage to get me talking, even if I was determined not to open up.

I’m glad she hasn’t asked, I don’t want to give a voice to my fears to another person just yet but God knows my heart and mind so I don’t need to talk….. I find somewhere quiet and private and allow my tears to fall and my unspoken fears to be heard by God.

There are times when I know everything will be OK and other times when I doubt and wonder if it’s just wishful thinking and you’re going to be taken from us.

None of the babies died while you were in the Special Babies Unit; even those the medics thought would almost certainly die have survived, but at night when I can’t sleep I’m still scared we could lose you.

My faith wavers so often Lydia, I’m just glad God understands the frightened man he created. Taking down a terrorist ring and being shot at has never frightened me as much as this.

You and your mom settled in to the new room and I could see her visibly relax now she was with you and could hold you as often as she wanted and for as long as she wanted.

I took loads of photos of you in your crib and in your moms’ arms; she looks so different now you’re with her.

All the photos will be placed in a special book so you can look at them when you’re older.

Levi will be staying with you, you’ll love Levi, he is a wonderful dog and friend. He’ll be around to alert your mom when you cry, even though someone will be with you most of the time.

That will be me much of the time but we need Levi to be listening ready for when you come home and I’m back at work.

Some of the staff weren’t happy about having a dog present, concerned about the risk of infection but the docs want him there to bond with you and he won’t be touching you. He’s watching you and your mom closely, I think he’s glad to be with her again it’s been a bit confusing for him and he’s always happier when he’s close to your mom.

I think you and Levi will be good friends, he’ll certainly look out for you.

Your mom was singing to you today, she has a beautiful voice, she plays the piano too. It was the first time I’d heard her singing too you, I guess she was a little embarrassed in the unit but now she’s in the privacy of her own room.

I don’t know how she can sing and play the piano since she can’t hear but she’s always note perfect.
I play the guitar but my singing voice sounds like a cat being strangled. I promise I will never sing to you, you’ll have nightmares then your mom will kill me.

Through everything your mom has held on to her faith and trust in God.

Jacob went home a couple of weeks ago, he’s doing really well. Jon and Deanne have been to visit, helped out with some baby equipment and I’m guessing they’ll visit when you get home, your mom and Roxanne became good friends.

See, today is a positive day……… yesterday wasn’t, yesterday everything seemed incredibly black and I had no idea why. It was so black I couldn’t put anything down on paper, I knew you were doing well, knew they wanted to move you to your own room, knew they were expecting you to be home soon and yet the darkness just closed in on me. Maybe it was because I knew you still had a mountain to climb, maybe it was because I still felt so helpless…….. I’m a doing kind of guy and there was nothing I can do in this situation, other than pray.

My mom came to pick your mom up from the hospital since she still can’t drive, took one look at me and came back to the hospital. We just sat and watched you, prayed for you and your mom, I didn’t need to talk, she just knew.
It helped just to have someone with me, I didn’t want to talk to your mom, maybe I should have done but I didn’t want to add to her worries.

The second I walked in through the door from school mom knew if I was in trouble, I don’t know how she just knew even if I tried to sneak up to my room, or came in late. She’d come find me, ask me what I’d done ………. Usually I was headed for a detention for talking in class so it was never anything big.
I asked her once and she said it was a mothers’ intuition, she always knew if I was in trouble or sad or hurting in some way.

The first Christmas after I met your mom I went home, my mom took one look at me and said ‘you’re in love aren’t you?’

I denied it and spent the next few years denying my feelings for your mom but in the end I had to admit to myself and your mom that I did love her. The rest, as they say is history. We dated for a few months and then got married. I deeply regret the wasted years, when we told my parents my mom just looked at me, flashed that ‘knowing’ look and smiled.

Your mom is like that, she knows when people are hurting or sad and knows how to help, what to say. I’ve lost count of the number of times she’s ‘listened’ to me, known just the right thing to do or say……. but it isn’t just me, she’s done the same for all the other members of the ream, even Myles and he is very difficult to help, he has this ‘I can manage’ attitude, although he has got better at letting people in since your mom arrived.

I was kicked out of the room soon after we’d settled as the staff wanted to see how your mom went feeding you; they very much want to remove the tube so I took Levi for a walk to give them some privacy. I prayed while I was out, if it goes well it’s one more step towards getting you home.

Today it is definitely a good day; when I returned it was to be told you’d fed well and your mom was over the moon. I knew she’d wanted to feed you herself but I don’t think either of us had realised just how much it had meant to her until she wasn’t able to do so. As the staff left, she cried tears of joy and relief while I held her. It’s going to take you longer to feed but it’s a significant step forward towards you coming home.

Your grandmas visited shortly after and were thrilled to be able to hold you again. We took loads of photos and they too will be put in this book. That was more photos being emailed to your wider family, both grandmas had tears in their eyes as they held you and we knew they’d made the right decision about staying in DC.

The team all visited as did Deanne and Jon, they only stayed a few minutes, I could see your mom was beginning to get tired.

To me, you are conveying here the many facets of the heart of a parent. First there is Jack's fear.


Then there is Sue's thrill about being able to feed her little girl.


Finally there is the sense that a parent has that let's them know what is going on with their child.


Good job.

cath that was beutiful lin

Just catching up. Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply sooner. Three beautifully written posts! It's so good to see things progressing well and to see that everyone continues to pray for them and support them. You're doing a fabulous job with this story, Cath! There's so many things that I would like to quote that I loved, but I'd be quoting far too much!

Cath I think it is so neat the way you are developing Jack as a loving, caring, concerned father and not just a determined special agent.

I love watching Jack's journey into parenthood. He is learning so much from this tiny infant that is so precious to them. Just thinking about him cradling a tiny baby is making me swoon

kav

wow

Chapter 10

At first your mom was only due to stay in for a week with you, the feeding went from strength to strength and the tube was removed. I stayed with you most days but I had to spend some time at work catching up on paperwork and writing reports as we had a big case coming to court so I couldn’t get out of it. D refused to let me take on any other responsibilities though, said I needed to be free to spend time with you and your mom.
He reckons that since I’ve only ever had a couple of sick weeks in the years I’ve been there I’m entitled to as much time off as I need.

He’s finally found a new agent for the team, when he asked ‘the question’ the guy said he’d be more than happy to work with someone who is ‘differently abled’. Turns out his mom uses a wheelchair following a horse riding accident a few years ago, he starts in 4 weeks.

I spent every night with you and your mom, they provided me with a cot but we slept better when we shared the bed, it was a squash and they aren’t very comfortable but we were together and that was the most important thing.

I’m a whiz at diaper changing now and I get such a buzz from being able to hold you as long as I want. I hope and pray that through all of this you know how much we love you Lydia.

We’d hoped that you could come home after that first week but the docs were being very cautious, ‘a few more days’ they said every time we asked. Your mom had to stay since she was feeding you all the time, no more expressing milk.

Our moms returned home, promising to drop everything if we needed them.
Thankfully I’ve not had any black days, it feels as though there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, just hope it’s not a train coming the other way…….. (that was my pathetic attempt at a joke). I do think you’re coming home most of the time but I know I won’t be fully confident until it happens.

Levi has been an absolute star; he’s alerted your mom every time you’ve made a noise. I spent every night at the hospital………. I did try to sleep at home but I missed you both so much I drove over to the hospital and slipped in beside your mom.
She wasn’t surprised to wake up and find me there; she was surprised I’d lasted a whole 4 hours on my own!!

We settled into a routine; I’d changed your diaper let your mom sleep a little longer, then we’d have a cuddle while Levi woke your mom. We’d be awake together until you’d fed and were settled then your mom and I would snuggle up together and fall asleep.

You’re growing well and the staff are really pleased with your progress but we’re still waiting (not too patiently) for them to say you can go home. I can’t wait to have you both home, every time I look at you my mind flashes back to the first time I saw you, how scared I was that I could lose both of you and then I remember how God sent people to be alongside us as we went through that time.

I’m not yet at the point when I can give thanks that you were born early but I can give thanks that you and your mom came through, that God was with us and that he sent so many people to care for us.
Does this make me a bad Christian? I hope not, just very, very human and I know God understands.

You are writing Jack's thoughts so clearly and strongly.

His daughter is going to love reading this when she's older. So much love for her to come 'home' to.

kav

lydia will love her daddys thoughts when shes old enough
to read them, so much love for her and her mummy lin

Cath, I just caught up and what an incredible story!!

I love seeing the way Jack slips into his parenthood!! You have kept him very true to character!! I can see him worrying about everything, especially when it's about Sue or Lydia!!!

Levi is taking his job very seriously, and I think he's going to be little Lydia's hero as she grows!!!

Joy

I agree. And also very realistically.

Another beautifully written post, Cath!

Chapter 11

2 days ago the docs gave us the news we’ve been waiting for - you could go home. It was your mom who realised what day it was; July 4th. To be honest it just hadn’t clicked with me but days have been rolling in to one since you arrived. Easter went by in a blur; it must be the first Easter when I hadn’t gone to church and I love Easter.

We’d planned to have a July 4th celebration at ours before we headed off to watch a game then out to the firework display but all that had kinda been forgotten. I was keen to do something to celebrate you both coming home but didn’t want to make more work for your mom.

I should have known better, one day I will learn; as soon as she realised the date she was ringing our parents then Luce and Tara.

They were at the hospital within 20 minutes to help arrange a party, a mix of July 4th and a welcome home/thank you party. As I held you in my arms and listened I was feeling a bit pushed out. Your mom must have realised because she looked at me and flashed me one of her smiles which reduces me to a puddle of mush.

‘You don’t mind hun do you?’

‘Us having a celebration? No……. if it’s what you want………..is there anything you want me to do?’

‘The barbecue with Bobby……… Tara and Luce will organise the food and drinks……… can you make some phone calls?’

She passed me a list and flashed another smile, and once again I knew I was putty in her hand, not that there has ever been much doubt about that. The problem is your mom knows that too and I suspect it won’t be long before I’m putty in your hand too. Your mom reckons you have already got me wrapped around my little finger…….. a concept I am strenuously denying but your mom just flashes me her ‘knowing’ look and I’m sunk.

I left to walk Levi and make phone calls after a while, leaving them to talk babies, it is such a relief to have some normality after the last few months. Watching your mom with 2 of her closest friends gave me a real buzz, another sign of hope.

I know Bobby and Myles have felt a little uncomfortable with us, trying hard not to talk about their babies. Even when you were out of the Special Unit they held back a little, I guess because we were still unsure whether you would really be coming home.

Now though we can all enjoy the experiences together.

I'm so happy I could cry!!!! And what a perfect day to come home!
kav

great post glad things are going great,and lydias
going home very very happy lin

Another wonderful post, Cath! Like Kav said, it's the perfect day to come home! Loved the relief and hope in this post

What a beautiful thing for Lydia to come home on Independence Day.

Oh, cath, that was beautiful! Hopefully Myles and Bobby aren't thinking about the fact that something could happen to their children too. You write Jack so well!
~Cristy

Yay what great news!

And what an incredibly special gift Lydia will have in the form of Jack's written thoughts through this process. How touching.

Chapter 12

So now the party is organised, our parents drove down as soon as your mom rang and they’ve helped me organise things………. I need all the help I can get, Lydia. I can mange to plan and execute a takedown but parties are beyond my capabilities.

I think Tara and Luce have bought up ½ the store there is so much here.

Your mom and I took a bit of time out yesterday while our parents were with you. We went shopping to find a pretty dress for when you come home, it took a while since you are still a little small but we eventually found a beautiful pale lemon dress and bootees.

I’m picking you and your mom up from the hospital in an hour or so. The guys have just arrived, Bobby is in his element organising the barbecue. Tara and Luce are both blooming; Tanya is so excited about meeting you. I think if she had her way your mom and I would be going out tonight so she could baby-sit.
D has been a little concerned that she’s getting broody but she’s too sensible for that, she wants to be a doctor and she told me that she’s decided she wants to work with children. Howie and Otis have just arrived so I suggested she start with Howie…… or Bobby and Myles if they start bickering with each other!!

With all the chaos around at the moment I’ve disappeared to your room and taken a few moments to finish writing this.

I have a stack of photos to put in already and I know there will be more after today.
There will be one more entry in this book after the party. Last night I glanced through all the photos I have so far……… your mom kicked me out of the hospital, told me to spend some time with our parents.
I couldn’t sleep, I missed her so much and you. You’ve come so far in the last few months Lydia. You’re beautiful, just like your mom and I love you so much that it hurts sometimes.
The docs gave you the all-clear yesterday, they have no reason to think that there will be any long term effects of your early arrival, other than me having a few more grey hairs, but they will be keeping a close eye on you for a while.

Looking at the photos and thinking about the last 3 months has given me many good memories, many things to be grateful for; the family and friends who stood alongside us and helped out practically and prayerfully as well as the incredibly skilled and caring hospital staff and I thank God for all of them.

People are beginning to arrive now, Roxanne and Jacob have just turned up and I need to head off to the hospital before your mom rings to find out where I am.

It would be easy to finish this book by telling you I never had any doubts that you would come home, but that would be a lie. There were many times when I doubted you would live, many times I cried alone or with someone, many times I found it hard to trust God in the darkness.

The one thing I never doubted was the love I had for your mom, the love she had for me and the love of friends and family, and the love we all had for you.

The day you were born was my worst nightmare…….. today my hopes and dreams have come true………….I love you Lydia.

Very sweet post.

Lydia is such a lucky baby!
kav

What a picture of a father's heart.

Lydia is coming home!!!

Joy

Cath it has been so good to catch up again with this story things have gone from strength to strength. What a vivid picture you paint with Jack's words, it's deeply touching.

Another wonderful, touching post, Cath! I love how honest Jack has been in his writing. I hope Lydia grows up knowing how truly blessed she is to have such a wonderful, loving father and mother. I love that Roxanne and Jacob are included in the party.

Chapter 13

Pulling up outside the house, Jack opened the doors for Sue and Levi before unclipping the baby carrier and lifting Lydia out.

She had captured his heart the moment he saw her and Sue was right, he was indeed wrapped around her little finger.

Not surprisingly they were photographed many, many times during the day and Lydia was hugged and kissed by everyone present.

‘Guys, before we start eating I just wanted to say a few words………’ Jack had his arm around Sue as she held Lydia.

‘Not too many words I hope……… Bobby’s already burning the barbie…….’ Myles commented dryly, earning himself a dirty look from Bobby and Tara.

‘We wanted to thank you all for being with us at what was a very difficult time…… for your prayers and your time…….. for enabling me to have time off to be with Sue and Lydia……….’

‘Don’t get all mushy on us Sparky, there’s still a pile of paperwork awaiting your return………..’

Tara jabbed him in the ribs and he yelped with pain as Jacks’ shoulders shook with mirth.

‘……… as I was saying before the peanut gallery so rudely interrupted me, we wanted to say thank you for your love and prayers; you all helped us through what was a very difficult time and we’re glad you could all be here to celebrate. I know it wasn’t what we had originally planned but my beautiful wife has agreed we can watch the game on TV before we head out to the fireworks……..’

‘So we know who wears the pants in this marriage then Sparky………..’ Bobby was about to laugh at Jacks’ discomfort when Tara jabbed him hard in the ribs, causing him to yelp again.

‘I think we know who wears them in your marriage too Crash…………’ Jack signed ‘GOTCHA’ as Bobby looked sheepishly at the floor.

After Jon had prayed for them as well as Roxanne, Jacob and babies Manning and Leland they set about eating and talking before squeezing in to watch the game.

Planning on staying with Sue and Lydia rather than going to the fireworks, Jack was surprised when Sue told him to go, ‘we’ll be fine with Levi…….’

About to argue his case he heard his mom calling him to the kitchen. ‘Come with us Jack……… Sue needs time with just her and Lydia…….. she’s been through an awful lot recently, she’s had very little time on her own with Lydia…….. then she came home to the party, I know it was what she wanted but now she needs a bit of space………. She wants to know she can manage without you or staff around………. She can ring if she needs anything but she also knows you’ve had a tough time, she wants you to have a break too……. If she wanted you to stay she’d tell you………. Her mom and I will make sure everything is cleared away before we leave so she has nothing to do and your dad and Dave will walk Levi………….’

Standing watching the fireworks Jack felt bereft, as though someone had cut off his right arm, the two people who meant the most in the world weren’t with him and they’d left a hole. At that moment he had no idea how he was going to return to work in 2 weeks. D had agreed to him working from home to write up the reports and complete any other paperwork but all too soon he would be back at work training up the new guy.

Jack, the protective papa!

jack is so adorable in daddy mode loved
the post cath hope theres more soon lin

Jack's mother's words struck me as being very wise and Jack was wise to heed them.

Protective Jack is always adorable. You can see why he's gonna find it so hard, as up to now every bit of his time away from work has been with his little girl and Sue.

Whilst when he returns to work, you know he's going to have great big withdrawal symptoms.....maybe as much as wanting to go part-time for a while. Just think Sue and Jack could both go part week, half the week Sue looks after bubs and the other part week Jack could have the baby, enabling both to work, both to look after Lydia not having to use sitters or the nursery, and both could keep their hand in at work. I say win/win!

That sounds like a great idea, AG!!

Cath, this continues to be an amazing story!! It's wonderful to see little Lydia home at last and all Jack and Sue's friends and family around them!!

Jack's mom is a smart lady!! I'm sure Sue has been dying to try taking care of Lydia on her own!! You know that has to be one of the things uppermost in her mind - whether or not she will be able to handle it!! We all know she's going to do great!!!

Poor Jack - he'll have to learn to be apart from Sue and Lydia for a while each day!! They will always be waiting for him to come home!!!

Joy

Cath, another wonderful post! It's so great Lydia is finally home and things are returning to normal with the team kidding one another!

This was so touching

Chapter 14

Returning home later than he’d intended he went to check on Sue and Lydia as their parents too headed for bed.

Lydia was asleep in her crib which Jack had moved to their room, Levi was curled up asleep next to the crib, taking his duties very seriously and Sue was sitting up in bed reading ‘Lydia’s book’ tears trickling down her face.

Sitting beside her Jack waited for Sue to finish reading.

‘It’s beautiful Jack………. I’m glad you wrote it…….. I can’t believe how small she was. You know, I never realised how scared you were…… you always appeared calm and positive and so hopeful……. and that gave me strength when I was low and afraid……..’

‘I couldn’t burden you…… I thought you were the calm, positive one and I didn’t want to scare you…….. I figured I was scared enough for both of us……. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of you……….’ He choked back the tears, the emotions threatening to engulf him again even though they were both home.

‘We’re not going anywhere ………….. but I seems to me we’ve missed out on an awful lot of kisses and cuddles over the last few weeks and I think we both need one now……..’

‘Huh? Jack was confused, they’d shared lots of hugs since Lydia arrived, he’d lost count of how many times he’d held her and kissed the top of her head as she rested in his arms whether awake or asleep as a way of encouraging her and telling her he loved her.

‘I want; I need a real kiss and cuddle, Hudson. Not an ‘everything will be Ok’ one………….’ Checking Lydia was still asleep Sue placed the book on the bedside cabinet and lay back on the bed, pulling Jack down with her.

‘This sort of cuddle………………’ she whispered capturing his lips and kissing him passionately. As he responded she pulled his t-shirt out of his pants and began to run her hands up his abdomen and over his chest.

‘That sort of cuddle……… I think I can oblige’ he gasped as they parted.

‘I was hoping you’d say that,’ she murmured as she turned her attention to the buttons of his jeans. She loved it when he wore his black jeans; he looked incredibly ’hot’.

Sue was surprised to feel his hand on hers.

‘Are you sure………? I don’t want to hurt you……….’

‘You won’t……….. I had the all clear over a month ago but then it didn’t matter……. It does now we’re home……..’

Leaving him no time to protest she held his head and kissed him soundly before moving her hands to caress his chest and abdomen, feeling him relax as he ran his hands over her back.

Lying together a while later, a tangle of arms and legs, Jack waited for Sue to fall asleep before slipping out of the bed to check on Lydia who was sleeping soundly.

After kissing her gently, Jack settled back in bed, pulling Sue into his arms, feeling her snuggle into him and lay her head on his chest.

Kissing her tenderly on her head he offered up a silent prayer of thanks that they were both home before drifting off to sleep.
Just as he was falling asleep he heard Sue’s voice, ‘One more thing Hudson………. I’m not stubborn……………’

He smiled and signed ‘STUBBORN YOU LOVE YOU’ before they snuggled closer and fell asleep in each others arms.

FADE

that was beautiful,the love they share.
for each other and the baby,
cant wait for your next story cath just hope
its the follow on of youve got mail, lin

You wrote the story with such feeling. Thanks for sharing it.

That has to be one of the most unique stories I've read on this board. And I loved the ending. My heart's all a flutter. Beautiful insight into what it must be like for any couple with a premature baby! A great read.

kav

A wonderful ending to an absolutely amazing story! I'm so glad Sue read 'Lydia's book' and knows exactly how Jack was feeling. Like Kav said, I think this has to be one of the most unique stories I've read on the board. Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful, powerfully written story, Cath!

I agree with Kav: this story was unique in it's kind! It was a wonderful, lovely story. You were able to capture both sadness and happiness. It's good to read about Jack's vulnerable side, and I am glad he now shared that with Sue!!

Great Story. A friend of mine had a premie (14 oz.) 12 years ago and today you would never know.

Dianna

I dont know how I never managed to read this until now but it was an amazing story!

Well written, truly powerful insight into a parents thoughts and feelings.

aww sweet
glad lydia is home and that everyone is safe and happy