I am choking over here, trying SO HARD not to laugh!!
Full Version: Tanya's Journal
RomanceFanFiction.net > The Highlights - A Place To Start > Seasonal/Holiday Challenges > 2004 Seasonal/Holiday Challenges > Christmas Challenge and Stories - 2004
I am choking over here, trying SO HARD not to laugh!!
I see you down there KAV!!! Are you posting? Hope so!
Anyway, this was my favorite part.
LOL. I was cracking up in my chair. I sure am glad my parent's wouldn't let me on the computer yesterday or I would have had about fifteen of my relatives looking at me strangely. This is just an AWESOME story! After this one, you have to do another comedy story. You are just soo good at them!
Anyway, this was my favorite part.
QUOTE
Bobby can’t flip pancakes at all. He said they had better things to do in Australia then flip pancakes when he was a boy. He flipped his pancakes the highest, but they never came back down. Seven stuck to the ceiling. I know because I had to get the ladder and scrape all seven of them off.
LOL. I was cracking up in my chair. I sure am glad my parent's wouldn't let me on the computer yesterday or I would have had about fifteen of my relatives looking at me strangely. This is just an AWESOME story! After this one, you have to do another comedy story. You are just soo good at them!
December 24, 2004 (12:35 a.m. – I am so going to sleep in today!)
I squared off with insufferable Allie in the church kitchen. I was running out of patience and time. My troops were scattered on various Christmas missions and I didn’t want Jack to be stuck with her for Christmas. If I could banish Allie once and for all – I’m sure she could make it back to whatever rock she crawled out from under before the 25th.
That’s how I came to be involved in a very heated argument with intolerable Allie. I can’t go into the details here; let’s just say that she is certainly no lady. I was holding my own, but I didn’t posses the same kind of ammunition, so I don’t know what the outcome would have been if Mrs. Splatter hadn’t come upon us when she did. Of course, little Timmy was in tow.
“Oh, Tanya, how wonderful!” she exclaimed when she saw me. “I have to run out to the car and bring some things in for the Christmas Eve service tomorrow night. Would you be able to watch Timmy for me? I’ll just be about ten minutes.”
“Sure.” I agreed as she handed her darling boy over to me. It was when she called back “Be careful, he’s just had a full bottle.” that I realized the arsenal I had in hand. Carefully turning Timmy around, and holding him well away from my body I advanced upon the unsuspecting Allie.
“What are you doing?’ she asked nervously, backing away.
“Don’t you want to see little Timmy Splatter?” I asked her, though try as I might, I couldn’t keep the menacing tone in my voice at bay.
“No – I don’t like babies.” Allie protested, looking wildly for an escape. I’d cornered her between the fridge and stove. I had her and she knew it. I was just about to begin my negotiations when Mrs. Splatter burst in on us again.
“Tanya – do you think that you could give me a hand? There’s more than I thought.” She asked me apologetically, at the same time, eyeing revolting Allie in an assessing manner.
“Sure, I’ll be there in a minute.” I said pleasantly. “My friend, Allie, here won’t mind holding Timmy. She loves babies, don’t you Allie, dear?” I nearly choked at having to use Allie and friend in the same sentence.
Mrs. Splatter watched as I handed Timmy over to Allie – face first.
“See, he’s just fine.” I assured his watchful mother. When she turned to go back to the car I gave Allie a few last minute instructions.
“Make sure to hold him facing you – let him get a good look at your face, otherwise he might start to cry. Oh and just give him a little reassuring squeeze around the middle. That’s right – a little harder. Excellent!” I crowed as Timmy splattered all over Allie. I had my hands out ready to pull him back into safer arms. He really wasn’t in any danger. I would never leave an innocent like Timmy in the hands of the monstrous Allie for long. Timmy happily belched and Allie unhappily shrieked as Timmy’s insides continued to splatter out. I have observed that he seems to eat the most in the morning. I made sure that every last drop christened Allie. She was cowering on the floor when I left, her feeble attempts to rise fettered by the slipperiness of the regurgitated formula that pooled all around her. I almost felt sorry when I heard her whimper. Almost.
I was so exultant in my coup that I failed to notice Mrs. R.’s arrival until too late. She was bearing down on me at an alarming speed, when I had the presence of mind to ward her off by holding Timmy out in front of me. Her body halted in it’s tracks, but her tongue clipped along unfettered.
“Tanya Gans – I want an explanation for this. There are animals in the backyard. There is scaffolding and lights in the parking lot. There are circus trailers parked in the back. You are turning the sacred events of our Savior’s birth into a traveling sideshow and I won’t stand by and allow this to happen. You couldn’t possibly have done this all by yourself. You had help. I want to know who is behind this. Answer me. Now.”
“You’re right, Mrs. Roderguiz. There’s no way I could have done all this without help. And frankly, I can see myself how out of control she’s gotten. I tried to stop her. Honest, I did! But she’s too much for me to handle. Maybe you could….?”
“Where is she?” Mrs. R. asked, girding herself up for the coming confrontation.
“In the kitchen.” I said, indicating the last place I’d seen the sniveling Allie. Then I hightailed it out of there before the operatic shrieks of my two archenemies battling it out scared poor little Timmy.
Upon reflection can I just say that it is so satisfying the way some things just come together so brilliantly without any prior planning? Almost as if it were divine intervention. I think that might have been my second Christmas miracle.
If lying is a test at Quanitco, I know I’ll get A+.
I noticed the taxi pull up to the front of the church as I was tethering little Timmy into his carseat for Mrs. Splatter. I watched with a great deal of satisfaction as Allie lurched desperately for the vehicle as Mrs. R. followed her with a volley of parting shots. Who would ever have thought there would be a day when I would count Mrs. R. (albeit unknowingly) as one of my staunchest allies? This is a sobering thought.
I’m sure everyone noticed Allie’s absence later in the evening as we got preparations underway for our big event. No one really came out and asked me about her, though Myles offered to dig a shallow grave with Levi and Gracie’s help if need be. My dad did some investigative work and pulled me aside for an interrogation when he realized that I had somehow been left alone with the vanquished Allie for part of the afternoon.
“Is there anything you want to tell me?” he began.
“No sir.” I answered truthfully. I wanted to be present to enjoy the fruits of all our labours.
“Yet Allie seems to have disappeared. And no one appears to know where.”
“Good riddance.” I replied vehemently. She’d been hard to conquer. Frankly, I was bone weary and ready to sleep for a week!
“Tanya – what did you do with Allie?” my dad asked as if I, a mere child, could have anything to do with her disappearance.
“I refuse to say anything without my lawyer present.”
“You don’t have a lawyer.” my father reminded me.
“Jack’s a lawyer.” I was quick to point out. By now everybody had given up any pretence of not eavesdropping and gathered around, even Jack and Sue.
“As Ms. Gans’ lawyer, I’d advise her to come clean with her father so that she can enjoy the holiday festivities with a clear conscience.” Jack suggested helpfully, having no idea at the lengths I had gone to in order to fulfill his request to protect his Sue.
“So Tanya – I ask again -- what did you do to Allie?” my father pursued his line of questioning.
“Why do you always think it’s my fault?” I decided to go on the offensive. “I wasn’t the one who had the puking baby. And I didn’t just feed him a full bottle of formula before dumping him into the arms of strangers. And how can I possibly have any control over what Mrs. R. might do or say to the only adult she could find around who could possibly be responsible for the travesty of a nativity play – I think she used works like circus and side show. I can honestly say that Allie entered the cab propelled by her own two feet. I can’t attest to the fact that the cabdriver got her safely to her destination; only that she was last seen vanishing over the horizon about three days too late as far as I’m concerned. Now, if you don’t mind I have a Nativity Pageant to see to.”
I tried to exit with dignity, but Myles and Bobby got to me before the door and raised me high in the air like they do sports heroes and everyone started cheering, even my dad.
For a first attempt, I think our Nativity Pageant went quite well. Everyone enjoyed it. I heard comments like “Never had more fun at a church service in all my life.” and “I laughed so hard I cried.” and “To think I almost didn’t come because I thought it would be too boring.” While Mrs. R. glared daggers, I took solace in the scripture “make a joyful noise unto the Lord.” Certainly all that laughter had to be considered an appropriate way to express joy at the birth of baby Jesus.
Nativity Pageant Details
1. I paid Melissia Mithrows and her cohort $35.00 (the money I made on the pizza night so long ago.) to not show up.
2. I begged Jack and Sue to save the day by taking on the roles of Mary and Joseph. I think Sue was quite excited, but Jack, though hesitant, was felled by his strict adherence to the Chivalric Code.
3. It’s true the donkey walked into Bethlehem backwards, but at least he walked. Jack was worried there for a minute he wouldn’t budge at all. Donkeys really are stubborn.
4. Gracie was a wonderful sheepherder – though she did not trust our shepherds and insisted on keeping the five sheep in a clump in one corner, as far away from them as she could get. I had so hoped for the sheep to be dotting the hillside. But Myles was very proud of Gracie, and I suppose from her viewpoint she did do an excellent job.
5. Unforeseen by any of us: that our sledding would cause the hill the wise men traveled down to become so slippery. Hence, two of our wise men made their journey into Bethlehem on the seat of their pants and the third was merely dragged down by the tobogganing llama.
6. The cow gently chewing on hay in the manger accidentally latched on to the arm of the doll portraying baby Jesus. Thankfully, she paused to methodically chew her cud, so the holy babe was not entirely consumed by the doting cow; he merely dangled from her mouth for the duration of the pageant.
7. And no one can blame Levi, because he is such a good, hard working dog all the rest of the time; but he did persist in stalking his snow bunnies and demolishing them with love throughout the production. It was a bit distracting. But cute.
8. Amanda had memorized the entire second chapter of Luke and impressed everyone with her graceful account. Ms. D. came to watch and she said she could see the whole story in every curve of Amanda’s arms – wasn’t that lovely? And of course, Amanda looked quite attractive in her angel costume, and I noticed a number of boys amongst her admirers afterwards, much to her father’s dismay.
9. David so impressed people with his baking and serving techniques that he has his first catering job for New Year’s Eve. We need to draft an adult to supervise, and Myles name comes to mind. Perhaps Tara as a server – hmm – in a French Maid costume might prove to be the selling point. I will have to think on this further after Christmas.
It was a glorious night and none of us minded staying so late to clean up and restore order to the church and grounds. And now it’s Christmas Eve and tomorrow it will be Christmas day. There is a very special Christmas present under the tree for me from Jack and Sue. There is an identical one under Amanda’s tree as well. We have been given strict instructions not to open it until it’s time. When I asked how I would know it was time, Jack just pointed his finger at me and winked and said “You’ll know.” Myles materialized out of no where and caught me before I did more than simply sway. “Where are your hyperventilating bags when you need them?” he muttered. I was too woozy to tell him that we’d sold the last one – a pink one with silver glitter – to a nice Scottish lady who just happened to walk by as Jack was disrobing (his Joseph robes, of course!)
I live in anticipation of Christmas day.
Mrs. R.’s Rules.
If the stores can be closed and the schools can be closed and the businesses too – and the FBI on skeleton staff – then I think I can officially declare the Rules to be closed for the holidays as well!!!
Boomer
I squared off with insufferable Allie in the church kitchen. I was running out of patience and time. My troops were scattered on various Christmas missions and I didn’t want Jack to be stuck with her for Christmas. If I could banish Allie once and for all – I’m sure she could make it back to whatever rock she crawled out from under before the 25th.
That’s how I came to be involved in a very heated argument with intolerable Allie. I can’t go into the details here; let’s just say that she is certainly no lady. I was holding my own, but I didn’t posses the same kind of ammunition, so I don’t know what the outcome would have been if Mrs. Splatter hadn’t come upon us when she did. Of course, little Timmy was in tow.
“Oh, Tanya, how wonderful!” she exclaimed when she saw me. “I have to run out to the car and bring some things in for the Christmas Eve service tomorrow night. Would you be able to watch Timmy for me? I’ll just be about ten minutes.”
“Sure.” I agreed as she handed her darling boy over to me. It was when she called back “Be careful, he’s just had a full bottle.” that I realized the arsenal I had in hand. Carefully turning Timmy around, and holding him well away from my body I advanced upon the unsuspecting Allie.
“What are you doing?’ she asked nervously, backing away.
“Don’t you want to see little Timmy Splatter?” I asked her, though try as I might, I couldn’t keep the menacing tone in my voice at bay.
“No – I don’t like babies.” Allie protested, looking wildly for an escape. I’d cornered her between the fridge and stove. I had her and she knew it. I was just about to begin my negotiations when Mrs. Splatter burst in on us again.
“Tanya – do you think that you could give me a hand? There’s more than I thought.” She asked me apologetically, at the same time, eyeing revolting Allie in an assessing manner.
“Sure, I’ll be there in a minute.” I said pleasantly. “My friend, Allie, here won’t mind holding Timmy. She loves babies, don’t you Allie, dear?” I nearly choked at having to use Allie and friend in the same sentence.
Mrs. Splatter watched as I handed Timmy over to Allie – face first.
“See, he’s just fine.” I assured his watchful mother. When she turned to go back to the car I gave Allie a few last minute instructions.
“Make sure to hold him facing you – let him get a good look at your face, otherwise he might start to cry. Oh and just give him a little reassuring squeeze around the middle. That’s right – a little harder. Excellent!” I crowed as Timmy splattered all over Allie. I had my hands out ready to pull him back into safer arms. He really wasn’t in any danger. I would never leave an innocent like Timmy in the hands of the monstrous Allie for long. Timmy happily belched and Allie unhappily shrieked as Timmy’s insides continued to splatter out. I have observed that he seems to eat the most in the morning. I made sure that every last drop christened Allie. She was cowering on the floor when I left, her feeble attempts to rise fettered by the slipperiness of the regurgitated formula that pooled all around her. I almost felt sorry when I heard her whimper. Almost.
I was so exultant in my coup that I failed to notice Mrs. R.’s arrival until too late. She was bearing down on me at an alarming speed, when I had the presence of mind to ward her off by holding Timmy out in front of me. Her body halted in it’s tracks, but her tongue clipped along unfettered.
“Tanya Gans – I want an explanation for this. There are animals in the backyard. There is scaffolding and lights in the parking lot. There are circus trailers parked in the back. You are turning the sacred events of our Savior’s birth into a traveling sideshow and I won’t stand by and allow this to happen. You couldn’t possibly have done this all by yourself. You had help. I want to know who is behind this. Answer me. Now.”
“You’re right, Mrs. Roderguiz. There’s no way I could have done all this without help. And frankly, I can see myself how out of control she’s gotten. I tried to stop her. Honest, I did! But she’s too much for me to handle. Maybe you could….?”
“Where is she?” Mrs. R. asked, girding herself up for the coming confrontation.
“In the kitchen.” I said, indicating the last place I’d seen the sniveling Allie. Then I hightailed it out of there before the operatic shrieks of my two archenemies battling it out scared poor little Timmy.
Upon reflection can I just say that it is so satisfying the way some things just come together so brilliantly without any prior planning? Almost as if it were divine intervention. I think that might have been my second Christmas miracle.
If lying is a test at Quanitco, I know I’ll get A+.
I noticed the taxi pull up to the front of the church as I was tethering little Timmy into his carseat for Mrs. Splatter. I watched with a great deal of satisfaction as Allie lurched desperately for the vehicle as Mrs. R. followed her with a volley of parting shots. Who would ever have thought there would be a day when I would count Mrs. R. (albeit unknowingly) as one of my staunchest allies? This is a sobering thought.
I’m sure everyone noticed Allie’s absence later in the evening as we got preparations underway for our big event. No one really came out and asked me about her, though Myles offered to dig a shallow grave with Levi and Gracie’s help if need be. My dad did some investigative work and pulled me aside for an interrogation when he realized that I had somehow been left alone with the vanquished Allie for part of the afternoon.
“Is there anything you want to tell me?” he began.
“No sir.” I answered truthfully. I wanted to be present to enjoy the fruits of all our labours.
“Yet Allie seems to have disappeared. And no one appears to know where.”
“Good riddance.” I replied vehemently. She’d been hard to conquer. Frankly, I was bone weary and ready to sleep for a week!
“Tanya – what did you do with Allie?” my dad asked as if I, a mere child, could have anything to do with her disappearance.
“I refuse to say anything without my lawyer present.”
“You don’t have a lawyer.” my father reminded me.
“Jack’s a lawyer.” I was quick to point out. By now everybody had given up any pretence of not eavesdropping and gathered around, even Jack and Sue.
“As Ms. Gans’ lawyer, I’d advise her to come clean with her father so that she can enjoy the holiday festivities with a clear conscience.” Jack suggested helpfully, having no idea at the lengths I had gone to in order to fulfill his request to protect his Sue.
“So Tanya – I ask again -- what did you do to Allie?” my father pursued his line of questioning.
“Why do you always think it’s my fault?” I decided to go on the offensive. “I wasn’t the one who had the puking baby. And I didn’t just feed him a full bottle of formula before dumping him into the arms of strangers. And how can I possibly have any control over what Mrs. R. might do or say to the only adult she could find around who could possibly be responsible for the travesty of a nativity play – I think she used works like circus and side show. I can honestly say that Allie entered the cab propelled by her own two feet. I can’t attest to the fact that the cabdriver got her safely to her destination; only that she was last seen vanishing over the horizon about three days too late as far as I’m concerned. Now, if you don’t mind I have a Nativity Pageant to see to.”
I tried to exit with dignity, but Myles and Bobby got to me before the door and raised me high in the air like they do sports heroes and everyone started cheering, even my dad.
For a first attempt, I think our Nativity Pageant went quite well. Everyone enjoyed it. I heard comments like “Never had more fun at a church service in all my life.” and “I laughed so hard I cried.” and “To think I almost didn’t come because I thought it would be too boring.” While Mrs. R. glared daggers, I took solace in the scripture “make a joyful noise unto the Lord.” Certainly all that laughter had to be considered an appropriate way to express joy at the birth of baby Jesus.
Nativity Pageant Details
1. I paid Melissia Mithrows and her cohort $35.00 (the money I made on the pizza night so long ago.) to not show up.
2. I begged Jack and Sue to save the day by taking on the roles of Mary and Joseph. I think Sue was quite excited, but Jack, though hesitant, was felled by his strict adherence to the Chivalric Code.
3. It’s true the donkey walked into Bethlehem backwards, but at least he walked. Jack was worried there for a minute he wouldn’t budge at all. Donkeys really are stubborn.
4. Gracie was a wonderful sheepherder – though she did not trust our shepherds and insisted on keeping the five sheep in a clump in one corner, as far away from them as she could get. I had so hoped for the sheep to be dotting the hillside. But Myles was very proud of Gracie, and I suppose from her viewpoint she did do an excellent job.
5. Unforeseen by any of us: that our sledding would cause the hill the wise men traveled down to become so slippery. Hence, two of our wise men made their journey into Bethlehem on the seat of their pants and the third was merely dragged down by the tobogganing llama.
6. The cow gently chewing on hay in the manger accidentally latched on to the arm of the doll portraying baby Jesus. Thankfully, she paused to methodically chew her cud, so the holy babe was not entirely consumed by the doting cow; he merely dangled from her mouth for the duration of the pageant.
7. And no one can blame Levi, because he is such a good, hard working dog all the rest of the time; but he did persist in stalking his snow bunnies and demolishing them with love throughout the production. It was a bit distracting. But cute.
8. Amanda had memorized the entire second chapter of Luke and impressed everyone with her graceful account. Ms. D. came to watch and she said she could see the whole story in every curve of Amanda’s arms – wasn’t that lovely? And of course, Amanda looked quite attractive in her angel costume, and I noticed a number of boys amongst her admirers afterwards, much to her father’s dismay.
9. David so impressed people with his baking and serving techniques that he has his first catering job for New Year’s Eve. We need to draft an adult to supervise, and Myles name comes to mind. Perhaps Tara as a server – hmm – in a French Maid costume might prove to be the selling point. I will have to think on this further after Christmas.
It was a glorious night and none of us minded staying so late to clean up and restore order to the church and grounds. And now it’s Christmas Eve and tomorrow it will be Christmas day. There is a very special Christmas present under the tree for me from Jack and Sue. There is an identical one under Amanda’s tree as well. We have been given strict instructions not to open it until it’s time. When I asked how I would know it was time, Jack just pointed his finger at me and winked and said “You’ll know.” Myles materialized out of no where and caught me before I did more than simply sway. “Where are your hyperventilating bags when you need them?” he muttered. I was too woozy to tell him that we’d sold the last one – a pink one with silver glitter – to a nice Scottish lady who just happened to walk by as Jack was disrobing (his Joseph robes, of course!)
I live in anticipation of Christmas day.
Mrs. R.’s Rules.
If the stores can be closed and the schools can be closed and the businesses too – and the FBI on skeleton staff – then I think I can officially declare the Rules to be closed for the holidays as well!!!
Boomer
December 25, 2004
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!
Christmas Miracle #3.
So – we were opening Christmas presents this morning. I was wearing my new Calvin Klein jammies and these enormous furry stuffed golden retriever slippers which my father says is the closest I’m ever going to get to owning a dog as long as I live in this house. Mental note : start circling apt. for rent ads in the newspaper to see if he caves.
Pretty soon, the only present left unwrapped was the one from Jack and Sue. I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad knew what was in it. But they wouldn’t let me open it until the right time.
“You’ll know when.” My mom kept saying and laughing, she was enjoying my torment way too much.
It didn’t start ringing until 11:00 a.m. Yes! Ringing!!!!!! I heard it right away – I knew it was a cell phone – but it was playing the wedding march. I knew Dad’s didn’t sound like that. Then I realized it was coming from the present under the tree. I got a rug burn on my elbows diving for it, but I was oblivious. I tore the wrapping off and opened up the box.
It was a Telusmobility Nokia phone – the kind that has a digital camera!!!! My dad helped me with it. When I answered, I saw them!!!!!! Jack and Sue together on Christmas morning – live via satellite – wishing me a Merry Christmas and Sue was flashing the engagement ring on her hand around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They said, “Thanks, Tanya – we’re going to call Amanda now.”
I ran screaming out of my house and down the street, My doggie slippers slipping on the icy patches. I didn’t notice the cold temperature on my bare arms or the wind-chill that made my eyes water. When I got to Amanda’s house, she was just rushing out to meet me! She showed me her phone and Sue was signing the same message to her!!!!! Amanda and I linked arms and started doing the funky chicken dance all around her front yard. Amanda’s dad grabbed her Nokia and pushed some buttons and then started talking on the phone. He was saying “Yep. They’re pretty excited. Take a look for yourself.” Then I realized that he was taking a picture of Amanda and me in our pajamas – in front of Jack!!!!!!!!!!!!! We ran screaming into the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad came in the car to get me, since I wasn’t dressed to brave the elements.
Later, after a hot bath, and dinner at my Grandma Gans I couldn’t wait to email Amanda to talk things over. And guess what? We are so into the same wavelength – it’s scary. Here’s our conversation.
Me: Did you notice the way Myles was looking at Tara?
A.: I was going to ask you if you’d noticed the way Tara was looking at Myles?
Me: They so need our help!
A.: Yippee! Another undercover operation.
Me.: Operation Valentine!!!!!!!!!!!
So much to look forward to!
Boomer
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!
Christmas Miracle #3.
So – we were opening Christmas presents this morning. I was wearing my new Calvin Klein jammies and these enormous furry stuffed golden retriever slippers which my father says is the closest I’m ever going to get to owning a dog as long as I live in this house. Mental note : start circling apt. for rent ads in the newspaper to see if he caves.
Pretty soon, the only present left unwrapped was the one from Jack and Sue. I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad knew what was in it. But they wouldn’t let me open it until the right time.
“You’ll know when.” My mom kept saying and laughing, she was enjoying my torment way too much.
It didn’t start ringing until 11:00 a.m. Yes! Ringing!!!!!! I heard it right away – I knew it was a cell phone – but it was playing the wedding march. I knew Dad’s didn’t sound like that. Then I realized it was coming from the present under the tree. I got a rug burn on my elbows diving for it, but I was oblivious. I tore the wrapping off and opened up the box.
It was a Telusmobility Nokia phone – the kind that has a digital camera!!!! My dad helped me with it. When I answered, I saw them!!!!!! Jack and Sue together on Christmas morning – live via satellite – wishing me a Merry Christmas and Sue was flashing the engagement ring on her hand around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They said, “Thanks, Tanya – we’re going to call Amanda now.”
I ran screaming out of my house and down the street, My doggie slippers slipping on the icy patches. I didn’t notice the cold temperature on my bare arms or the wind-chill that made my eyes water. When I got to Amanda’s house, she was just rushing out to meet me! She showed me her phone and Sue was signing the same message to her!!!!! Amanda and I linked arms and started doing the funky chicken dance all around her front yard. Amanda’s dad grabbed her Nokia and pushed some buttons and then started talking on the phone. He was saying “Yep. They’re pretty excited. Take a look for yourself.” Then I realized that he was taking a picture of Amanda and me in our pajamas – in front of Jack!!!!!!!!!!!!! We ran screaming into the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad came in the car to get me, since I wasn’t dressed to brave the elements.
Later, after a hot bath, and dinner at my Grandma Gans I couldn’t wait to email Amanda to talk things over. And guess what? We are so into the same wavelength – it’s scary. Here’s our conversation.
Me: Did you notice the way Myles was looking at Tara?
A.: I was going to ask you if you’d noticed the way Tara was looking at Myles?
Me: They so need our help!
A.: Yippee! Another undercover operation.
Me.: Operation Valentine!!!!!!!!!!!
So much to look forward to!
Boomer
Kav, you are simply brilliant! I love the way you write (I know I've said it before - but it's worth repeating.)
I'm bouncing around right along with Tanya and Amanda - so excited about Jack and Sue. And I'm right there in agreement with the two (Tanya and Amanda that is )about Myles and Tara. I can't wait for their next covert operation!
I'm bouncing around right along with Tanya and Amanda - so excited about Jack and Sue. And I'm right there in agreement with the two (Tanya and Amanda that is )about Myles and Tara. I can't wait for their next covert operation!
What a wonderful ending!!! I'm sitting here with a big goofy grin on my face, Kav, and it's all your fault! 
This story was brilliantly funny, from beginning to end, and I really hope to see Operation Valentine come to pass!
That was simply fantastic... I need to come up with a new word to describe your stories...
I know, I'll use one that has yet to be associated with your talent: Supercalifragilisticexpialidoceous!
I simply cannot wait for operation Valentine... this will rock! Now, go work on the 12 dates of Christmas, lady! :laughs:
I know, I'll use one that has yet to be associated with your talent: Supercalifragilisticexpialidoceous!
I simply cannot wait for operation Valentine... this will rock! Now, go work on the 12 dates of Christmas, lady! :laughs:
WOW! Kav, you've sure gotten into the mind of a teenage girl with a crush very well! This was WONDERFUL! I loved reading it...and definitely can't wait for more from you!
QUOTE(Kav @ Dec 27 2004, 04:32 PM)
“Where are your hyperventilating bags when you need them?” he muttered. I was too woozy to tell him that we’d sold the last one – a pink one with silver glitter – to a nice Scottish lady who just happened to walk by as Jack was disrobing (his Joseph robes, of course!)
eekkk!!! I am having to use- got my money worth!
This story was absolutley amazing, superb, fantastic, outstanding, witty, funny, charming, romantic and AWESOME!
I LOVED IT!
Really hoping for a sequel or maybe you could get the movie rights to some big hotshot producer.
Each post was just outstanding- you would have me thinking that you had done your best piece then you would go and top it with your next one.
So BRAVO and take a bow!!!!
BRAVO!!!!!!! ENCORE!!!!! (Operation Valentine will work nicely!)
Kav, amazing, awesome, brilliant, outstanding, wonderful job!!!!! Loved every word of it!!!!!
Way to go!!!
Kav, amazing, awesome, brilliant, outstanding, wonderful job!!!!! Loved every word of it!!!!!
Way to go!!!
I haven't posted for a while, i have simply been absorbing every last wonderful, hilarious, fantastic entry in Tanya's journal.
Every last post of this story is getting printed off and put in my box of very favourite things. There will also be a copy put away with my Christmas deccies so that i can read it all again next year when i start putting my deccies up. I think you may become one of my annual Christmas traditions Kav.
Your writing is so much better than the rotten telly we get at this time of year!
Thank you for making my Christmas a very happy one Kav. I haven't laughed out loud like this for so long - well since reading Thankful actually.
Lynne
xx
Every last post of this story is getting printed off and put in my box of very favourite things. There will also be a copy put away with my Christmas deccies so that i can read it all again next year when i start putting my deccies up. I think you may become one of my annual Christmas traditions Kav.
Your writing is so much better than the rotten telly we get at this time of year!
Thank you for making my Christmas a very happy one Kav. I haven't laughed out loud like this for so long - well since reading Thankful actually.
Lynne
xx
Just manage to sneak on to finish reading your story, and im so glad I did. Truly fantastic. Loved everything about it. So, so funny. Like everyone else I wait in eager anticipation for the sequel.
Just caught up...
Absolutely brilliant, Kav! That story was soo creative and entertaining! Definitely looking forward to "Operation Valentine!" You write from Tanya's POV so well! Fantastic job!`
Absolutely brilliant, Kav! That story was soo creative and entertaining! Definitely looking forward to "Operation Valentine!" You write from Tanya's POV so well! Fantastic job!`
Bravo!
Awesome! I loved it!
Awesome! I loved it!
Ditto to everyone else's comments. i can't wait for the sequel. I'm going to print off a copy too. I want my mother to read it. She's been wondering why I've been laughing myself silly. 
QUOTE(ladynightingale @ Dec 27 2004, 11:25 PM)
I'm going to print off a copy too. I want my mother to read it. She's been wondering why I've been laughing myself silly.
See, I would do that too, but then Irealized that the whole story is 90 pages long and that would probably use up an entire ink cartridge. We can print ten pages for free at school, when i got back in January, it will just take me nine days to print it all off.
Great Job Kav!
I decided I needed to save money to buy a printer... will be a lot easier than printing from work - for sure a lot less messier.
Coming to this site has proved just how badly I miss being able to have paper copies of stories.
Coming to this site has proved just how badly I miss being able to have paper copies of stories.
Kav all I can say is that was a slice of perfection. Absolutely, without a doubt, perfection. I've been back to junior high and returned...definitely better for the experience.
Most of my holiday doings over, I finally wandered back over to the board, and yours was the first story I checked out. Wonderful, wonderful, WONDERFUL job, Kav! I loved every word of it...your ending was simply perfect.
Bravo!
Bravo!
BRILLIANT! I hate to be late to the party but I was out of town (someone start a thread what did you do over vacation so I can tell you!) and just finished it tonight. I laughed so hard at the description of the Christmas pageant. It was priceless.
I ditto Bigfan about junior high and back. I don't think mine was quite that fun though.
Still waiting to hear what you were like at 5!
I ditto Bigfan about junior high and back. I don't think mine was quite that fun though.
Still waiting to hear what you were like at 5!
what an a ending!!! It was perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omygosh, i don't know what to say, except that I WOULD LOVE to see that one on TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
laura
omygosh, i don't know what to say, except that I WOULD LOVE to see that one on TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
laura
Oh my gosh, Kav, that was absolutely fantastic!!! I loved it! I just got back from Mexico tonight and I knew that, while I needed to do loads and loads of homework, I couldn't go to sleep without reading your story. It was amazing! I could not have been better. And now that school's going to start in less than two days, my mom will have no excuses for not reading this yet. I've been printing it out because I want to have a hard copy, since it's just soooo gosh darn hilarious!!! Kav, thank you for writing such an amazing story.
BTW, I cannot wait for Operation Valentine!!! Are there any conditions about starting early? hehe. I am sooooo excited!
Sidenote: Unless I counted wrong, there were eleven 'Oh My Goshes' in that last post!! Very young teenagerish! It was priceless.
Keep up the fantastic writing!!!!!
BTW, I cannot wait for Operation Valentine!!! Are there any conditions about starting early? hehe. I am sooooo excited!
Sidenote: Unless I counted wrong, there were eleven 'Oh My Goshes' in that last post!! Very young teenagerish! It was priceless.
Keep up the fantastic writing!!!!!
I just plain absolutely loved this story!!! You have made Tanya a favorite of our household! Thanks for sharing your creativity!
Jill
Kav this story is absolutely brilliant! I had a lot to catch up on and have been laughing so hard, the tears are running down my face. This was such an awsome story from Tanya's point of view. And if this is what you were like as a teenager, can I ask just where are you locked up these days? Actually reminds me a little of me sometimes. Ok, this is catching up from page 8. Can't comment on everything, it's all great. But some I want to mention. I loved that you had Tanya take this on as a case and her as lead agent. Too funny! Also, she is a computer genius!
The school trip to the FBI was absolutely brilliant. I could picture the guys in their gear and the reaction of the teens. Sweet revenge for Tanya! 
And Amanda having Jack sign to her! 
Oh and I'm still a guard! LOL What fun Allie being tortured at Sue's apartment and the girls getting Sue and Jack together. Loved all the antics and hulla dancing and Tara belly dancing
The girls squeezing in between Jack and Allie was just priceless and I can so picture it. :whistle: You killed me with the eyebrows but I almost felt sorry for her after you said you did it to yourself.
I actually spared a teenage guy that was not very well liked and had long hair, from going bald one halloween night. I thought it was just a tad bit mean, especially back in our long hair days. Gracie in church, the demon dog!
Bobby had better things to do when he was a kid then flip pancakes I think I woke my neighborhood up with that one. And then the pancakes stuck to ceiling. Gasp, air!! I can so picture this Yes, the hypothermia, Sue and Jack in the trailer with his shirt off!
What fun! Cover that little girls eyes, oops, there goes Tanya Isn't Myles just such a sweetheart, always catching her. You had me dying with the llama spitting at Allie and then Timmy Splatter got her!
Great fun and romantic ending!
I better stop, I'll be rewriting your story if I keep going. But seriously I had to tell you how much I loved this story and your writing is great. The humor is incredible and whoever suggested you send a copy to the crew, I ditto that. They would have to be so entertained by it. I wish this could go on screen.
Oh geez! That was BRILLIANT! I loved every second - could not stop laughing - and the whole begining with all the references to Jack's eyes and the whole hyperventalating bags and Myles helping her was just CRAZY and so PERFECT. Hahahaha!! And Bobby being told he's a flirt. ROFL.
Kav this was so so great!!!!! I was laughing so hard though the whole thing. u have such a wonderful imangation and uour a great writer. you should think about if u havent already about writing a real live book, i know and from what i read on here that a lot of other people would run to get a copy!! I dont know what else to say except you are a great great writer. my dad (who is completly clueless when it comes to my fasanation with this site (lol)) was even laughing with me when i read certin passages lol!!!!! anyway keep up the great work and im going to see what else i can find that u wrote
Brilliant! Very creative, imaginative, and exciting! It's HILARIOUS!!! Keep writing - I want to read more!!!
I just came across this story!!! It's absolutely fantastic! I almost felt sorry for Allie - almost!
that was amazing
i GOT BORD SO I FISHED AROUND THE SITE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO READ. SINCE IT'S XMAS AND PEOPLE ARE WORKING ON THEIR LATEST 2006 XMAS CHALLENGE I THOUGHT I'D READ THIS. WHAT CAN I SAY... IT WAS GREAT. COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING! 
That was incredible. I loved it. I was laughing from beginning to end. 
Hope ~
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