You know, Pam, I had the death of Eric's father in the back of my mind, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't know if you were going to bring that into this story!!!

I'm glad you did!! I love Sophia's letter to her grandfather!! So loving!!!

Joy

a little bit of humour amidst the sadness. Surviving those firsts without a loved one is always hard, but continuing traditions is a way of honouring them too. I hope Eric and Sophie find some solace this season.

kav

“Well I think I figured out what would make Eric explode,” Jenna told Sue when she and Paige dropped by one morning while Josh was at preschool.

“You came up with a plan?” Sue asked, taking the cup of coffee that Jenna offered.

“Not exactly,” she admitted and handed Sue the letter.

“That is a little intense – are you worried about Sophia?” Sue asked.

“No, I think this was very cleansing for her. She wrote it out, cried more than a little but then showed us and she was really proud of what she did it. Eric at least had the courtesy to wait until she went to bed to over-react,” Jenna noted.

“How bad?” Sue wanted then waited for Jenna to fill Paige’s juice glass.

“He started out with wanting to call the teacher and tell her what a ‘stupid’ assignment this is, but I talked him out of that, explaining it was really good practice and a great way for the teacher to get to know her students. I think he is just worried that the teacher will say something during conferences – you know offer condolences – and Eric wants none of that still. He is mad, which is part of grief, but I kind of wish he wasn’t mad at me,” Jenna shrugged.

“He isn’t really, you just happen to be there,” Sue tried to reassure her.

Jenna sighed then turned her attention to Paige and the picture she was coloring.

Poor Eric... it must be so hard for him.

What a bittersweet time for Eric and Sophia...my heart breaks for them.

I'm sure Eric knows Jenna is there for him!! These things just take time!!!

Joy

While I have sympathy for Eric he is being dare I say self-indulgent in his grief? Now I know everyone handles their grief differently and some stages last longer than other for some. I think Eric is lucky to have such an understanding wife and I think Jenna is lucky to have such an understanding friend in Sue.

kav

That was such a true statement. When you're hurting as bad as Eric is, you sometimes fill so angry that it comes out at whoever is in your path.

Dear Sue,

I’m not sure if this is my letter to my friend or to the person I look up too. I guess really you qualify as both. Thank you for understanding my need to explain baseball to you one day from my Grandpa’s perspective. It has been really nice to have someone else who will talk to me about my grandpa. Sometimes it is hard when your friends at school don’t understand and it is nice to have my beliefs reaffirmed. My mom told me that there are worse things in life than dying and that day you and I talked about heaven it really helped me to make sense of that.

I’m not sure how I can relate you to the World Series. I hope that you and Jack and the kids and everyone else will come and watch at our house. It is really fun even if you don’t know who is playing.

I remember the first time I met you – in the park when your dog decided to play soccer with Evan. Tara gave me gum. My mom told my dad how much you all really worked as a team. She mentioned it the other day too. Something about how she hasn’t seen a team that worked together so well since some baseball team that my dad played on (I can’t remember which one). When my dad pointed out that you and Tara didn’t work there anymore and Tess never had, my mom countered with “Do you really think that a successful baseball team is only made up of the players on the field?” He just grinned and dropped the subject.

Anyway I hope that you can join our World Series traditions this fall. Love, Sophia

“What’s that?” Jack asked as he came into the living room after tucking Josh into bed.

“A letter from Sophia,” she smiled and handed it to him to read.

“Eric’s struggling with this,” Jack noted after reading the letter, “I never quite know what to say. I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing.”

“You won’t,” Sue reassured him, “Sophia’s struggling too,” she added.

“So what do you do?” Jack wanted know.

“Whatever is asked of you,” Sue answered softly, “It is an invitation to be part of another team I guess.”

“Maybe Eric doesn’t want that. I’m not sure I would,” Jack acknowledged.

“Maybe Eric thinks he doesn’t want that but maybe it’s what everyone else wants,” Sue said. At Jack’s questioning look she continued, “That didn’t sound right. I’m all for respecting privacy but I think it is what Sophia needs and Evan, Jenna and Eric too. It is Sophia’s way of making things better. She will invite everyone just like always because children don’t always stand on ceremony. This is her normal – an October that includes all of their friends and family. She is seeking comfort and the peace it will bring to her own mind that everything will be okay.”

“Well I guess I better read the sports page a little closer then,” Jack smiled.

It's a good plan and Eric might not like it at first, I'm sure he'll get into it as the game goes on.

I like that Sue has been a comfort to Sophia and I think Sophia's child like logic just may be what the doctor ordered for her grieving family.

kav

You know, there is nothing like the faith of a child. Somehow, continuing with traditions, even when the grown-ups around you don't want to is an affirmation of that faith...a faith that everything will be okay again.

Duckfan, this is an amazing journey.

Kim

Nothing like the reality seen through the eyes of a child to bring you back to the real reality...
I really love your story Duckfan
Josy

I wonder if Sophia knows how much she is helping everyone else with her letters as well as helping herself?? I'm sure Eric is thinking about it, even if he's not ready to let anyone in yet!!!

Joy

Dear Matt,

I’m writing you because you are the most famous person I know. We didn’t have to know a famous person just write a letter to one about a significant event in our life and how they would be a part of it. I choose you because you have been a part of all of my life. Besides, I don’t know anyone who knows more about the World Series than you. My dad knows baseball but you know who won in every year and who played on the winning team.

It is sad though that you are never around during World Series time. We see you on TV but you never get to come to our house for all the food and fun. My dad always says that you both had your rookie seasons together – your career just lasted longer. I just learned the other day that when you applied for your job on national TV you used an interview of my mom from right after she and my dad got engaged. I’m not really sure how that got you the job but apparently it worked out.

I like to listen to my dad talk to you about baseball. I don’t remember my dad playing but sometimes when I hear him talk to you I can imagine it. I think it makes my mom remember too because she always gets this smile on her face not the usual kind of smile - a different type. Anyway I wish you could come this year because Grandpa won’t be here and I think my dad could just use an extra friend. He is still sad some days but then so am I.

Can you write me back so I can show the boys in my class? Thanks and remember “don’t sneeze when the microphone is on”. I know my dad is ready to say good-bye when he says that to you on the phone. Love, Sophia

“Sophia needs to quit writing letters,” Eric said as he walked thru the kitchen after work one day.

Jenna looked up from what she was cooking, frowned then asked “Why?”

“Because she wrote one to Matt, told him to come, and he basically thinks he should drop everything to visit during October,” Eric told her.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Jenna questioned.

Eric sighed impatiently, “He has a national television show about baseball. I don’t think this is a good time. Do you?”

“I think that he's probably a better judge of that than you. He's the best friend you have, besides how many times in your life have you dropped what you were doing to help someone?” Jenna asked.

“That isn’t the point,” Eric said.

“Then what is the point?” Jenna wanted to know.

“Never mind,” Eric said and left the kitchen.

The point, Jenna thought, is that not only is she right but she is acting just like you and it’s driving you crazy.

I loved that letter. It was so like how a girl would think. It was like you crawled into her thought processes.


I loved that line, too. Jenna nailed it on the head.

Another wonderful letter!! I think it would be perfect if Matt dropped everything and came to visit during the World Series!! After all, what are friends for?? And, we all know that, even though he won't say it, it would mean a lot to Eric!!!

Joy

Eric...friends will drop anything to help a friend...this is what a real friend should be!
Loce Sophia's letter...so candid and true
Josy

I dunno -- the way Sophia goes about getting things done reminds me of her mum!

kav

I still feel bad for Eric. But, wait unti he witnesses all the fun and joy gathered around him for the big game. I think then he'll realize that just because that one person is missing that it doesn't mean it's all over.

A/N: Sorry for the delay I was out of town for work last week.

Dear Riley,

I don’t really have to relate the significance of the World Series to you. I’m fairly sure that you have quite a grasp on it. However, I do think you will like it even more if you and Tess come over and watch the games with us.

I think I look up to you because of all you have done in your life and because you aren’t ever afraid to do anything. You can throw a baseball better than most people and you don’t hesitate to help anyone when we all play together. Sometimes I’m sorry that I don’t play anymore because I bet you would be able to teach me lots. My dad is a good teacher but he says that sometimes it's just nice to sit back and watch your own children.

I know that you knew my dad when he played minor league baseball so I know that you know how important baseball is to our family. It is nice to add new people to our baseball team each year. I’m glad that you and Tess will be part of it. Just one piece of advice – don’t start counting the days til spring training starts the day after the World Series is over. Just let it rest until at least after Christmas. And don’t mope either!

Your friend, Sophia

“You got one?” Jack asked, at lunch one day when Riley mentioned something about letters.

“Tess too but hers was funny,” Riley rubbed it in a little bit, knowing Jack was feeling out of the loop.

“What does it say?” Jack wanted know “Sue got one too but it wasn’t funny.”

“Tess’ is full of advice about the dos and don’ts of watching the World Series with me and Eric,” Riley grinned at them.

“Now that would be worthwhile reading,” Bobby noted.

“Sue let me read hers, can I read yours?” Jack wanted to know.

“I don’t know,” Riley hedged.

“Did you let Tess read it?” Jack wanted to know.

“Well I will when I see her tonight because she let me read hers and I am married to her after all,” Riley replied.

“If I had a letter I would let you read it plus I’m your boss,” Jack sat back in his chair, crossed his arms and waited.

Riley laughed and handed the letter over.

Jack just doesn't like to be left out of things, does he? Does he understand the intricacies of the World Series -- being a hockey man and all? Sophia is so cute with her sage advice for everyone. Hopefully they will all rally at her house the way she wants them to and this first Grampaless World Series will be successful in it's own way.

kav

Jack, I bet you will get a letter too!! I also hope that everyone shows up for the game!! It will be extra special this year and it will be good for everyone!! I know that if Eric's father were here he would be delighted that Sophia is writing the letters and that they will all be together!!!

Joy

Jack was too cute. You can certainly tell why he went into the FBI. He likes to be in the middle of it all.

Just reading for the first time and I love the letter too I am the baseball fan in my family started watching when one of my classmates started playing pro ball for the Expos in fact there have been several pro players from my town and surrounding area like Tim Rains and David Eckstein. we also have spring training camps about an hour away I just wish we had a pro team near Orlando

Dianna

This story makes me feel like eating some peanuts and Cracker Jack. Actually, I never did like Cracker Jack, but the surpise inside the box was kind of fun. I wonder if they even make that anymore?

This is a great story, Duckfan. I am intrugued how you can reveal so much through letters. It tickled me that Jack felt left out.

A/N: They do still make Cracker Jacks but the prizes aren't nearly as good anymore!

“I wonder why Sophia doesn’t play anymore,” Myles mused after reading Riley’s letter.

“What doesn’t Sophia play anymore?” Eric asked as he joined them.

At Myles frown, Eric turned to Riley and raised his eyebrows.

“Baseball, well softball actually,” Riley responded.

“How did you know that?” Eric asked then looking at the piece of paper Myles was holding he sighed “More letters.” Jack ran his hand thru his hair and Bobby just waited until Eric continued.

“She doesn’t play because a couple years ago during machine pitch she struck out and some Dad from the opposing team yelled some really unkind thing. It hurt her feelings so after the season was over she didn’t want to play again.”

“Such things to look forward too,” Jack noted.

“He yelled the unkind thing about me really,” Eric said, “People say things like that all the time when you play professional sports so it wouldn’t have bothered me if it hadn’t been said to her.”

“Do you care that she doesn’t play anymore?” Bobby asked. Myles shot him a look at that point which actually made Eric smile.

“Not so much. She plays a great first base though so I think her coach really was really disappointed. He did get that parent kicked out of the games for the rest of the summer. I thought he was going to punch him. I didn’t know it bothered her until bedtime that night. Jenna knew right away.”

“The mother-daughter connection?” Myles asked.

“No the ‘I’ve been there and heard what people say and it used to hurt my feelings’ connection,” Eric explained.

“I didn’t think Jenna let anyone hurt her feelings,” Jack said.

“She’s good at hiding it. She learned early on that if you let anyone think your feelings are hurt then it just gets worse. So her feelings might have been hurt but there were very few people who ever saw it – still are. I would imagine that she is very much like Sue in that aspect,” Eric said.

“That would be an accurate assessment,” Jack agreed.

************************************************
“No more letters,” Eric said when he got home that night.

“What?” Jenna asked.

“Sophia needs to change her assignment. She has written about this to all of our friends and she doesn’t need to involve anyone else. People will think…” Eric’s voice trailed off.

“People will think that her grandpa died and she has found an incredibly mature way of dealing with – perhaps you should take some notes,” Jenna snapped.

“It's easy for you to say it wasn’t your dad,” Eric shot back before storming out of the room.

Ah yes, and now we see the anger side of the grief cycle. This is so well done, Pam - so real!!!

Ouch...but at least he said something. Hopefully it doesn't snap at Sophia though, I have a feeling she's a sensitive little thing. All in all I think this whole exercise is turning very therapeutic.

kav

Eric, don't close Jenna out!! Since he noticed that Jenna and Sue seem to be a lot alike in hiding their feelings, he has to know he hurt her with his remark!!!

And, I agree, the letters are very therapeutic for everyone and I sense it is making the situation easier for all except her father!!!

Joy

Dear Jens –
I know I just talked to you but I miss you! I’m so glad you came for the last home stand of the season. I know you are busy with school and work (you could quit your job you know) so it was really nice to have you visit.

I never look forward to the end of baseball season even if we aren’t going to the playoffs (which we aren’t). I always feel lost when suddenly there is no routine to follow. This year will be better though because we can plan our wedding, work on our house and just be together.

I’m looking forward to spending those precious last days of fall with you. It is nice to have something new to focus on.

Better turn out the light before Mike starts throwing things at me. He says Hi and Janie wants you to call her about the end of the season party. With love, Eric

Jenna sighed and wiped at the single tear that slid down her cheek. She hadn’t seen these letters for years, probably since they had moved to DC. She knew it was no coincidence that she found them today. She had been wondering all week when things had become so hard. The pile of letters reminded her that life was never easy but despite it all she and Eric had found their way through - together. Eric had never really liked letters, well he had liked to receive them, but didn’t like to write. He had though and one day when she had asked him why his reply had been “Because getting mail seems to be the highlight of your day, and I would like to think that in some way if I send you a letter then I’m the highlight of your day.”

He had been then, still was now and would continue to be forever, the highlight of her day. The pile of letters serving as a reminder that this was just something else they would get through – together.

Okay, Pam, no fair - you made me cry with this one!! But finding the letters definitely gave Jenna hope for a brighter future!!!

Joy

“So,” Sue began one Saturday when they had all met for breakfast, “what’s your plan?” she continued directing her question at Jenna. Jenna had been rather withdrawn lately and Sue was worried.

“I don’t really have one although I had considered just going to the beach house every weekend until baseball is over,” Jenna admitted.

Tess frowned then said “Riley has one.” When no one spoke, Michele encouraged her “Well tell us.”

“He thinks that maybe it isn’t really baseball that is bugging Eric. I mean they all went to a baseball game last summer, here in DC. So he thought maybe we should do something different,” Tess began. At the curious looks she continued “Riley, well actually me too, thought it would be fun to set up a screen outside and watch some old movies. Kind of like a drive in, but with lawn chairs. That way the kids can play, we can watch and chat and maybe Eric won’t feel so overwhelmed by the thought of having everyone over.”

“Riley thought of this?” Michele was skeptical.

“Yes, Riley thought of it,” Tess huffed, “He said he understands the whole baseball thing more than the rest of us.”

“I can believe he thought of that,” Michele teased.

“I can believe that too,” Sue added with a nod of sincerity.

“Sounds great – let’s plan it for next Friday – who’s house?” Tara wanted to know.

“Mine,” Jenna decided, “didn’t Sophia already invite all of you over to watch baseball anyway?”

“Well sort of,” Tess frowned “And I’m pretty sure that Riley came up with this to ease into that.”

Jenna smiled “That’s fine too. I don’t know who else is coming this year. Maybe our friend Matt and maybe Eric’s mom but you’re all certainly invited.”

“We don’t want to intrude,” Tara began as Tess added “especially because Sophia was the one doing the inviting” only to be cut off by Jenna “You wouldn’t be intruding besides sometimes our children know what we need better than we do.”

“And Sophia needs this,” Sue said.

We all need this, Jenna thought.

Wow...I am speechless..
Really great story Duckfan.
I really enjoyed all the emotions showing through your writing.
Hope Eric's grieving will not hurt more than it already does
Josy

In some ways this is almost too painful to read! (which is a good thing...in an odd way) I'm glad Jenna found those letters...she needed their gentle reminder of better times. And the outdoor movie idea is fantastic! Have you ever done that? We have a park in town who runs movies that way in the summer but I never thought about doing that yourself. Uber cool!

kav

Oh, the plan just sounds wonderful!

I think Riley's idea is perfect!! Jenna is right!! Everyone needs this, and I think Eric will be fine with it!!!

Joy

Dear Dad,

I know you said no more letters but this isn’t one for school it's just one for you. I’m really worried that you won’t watch any baseball with us in October. We always watch as a family and so much has changed this summer that I just want to do something we always do.

We didn’t go to the beach house for the entire month of July because we went to Chicago for a week. I love Chicago and I love Grandma and I had a good time at the baseball game but I missed the beach house - Mom too.

We usually spend September planning who will come and when in October. Matt usually comes to visit at some point and he didn't. Tim and Mike haven’t really called much either and no one has mentioned visiting. I thought it would be great fun to have Tess and Riley too because you and Riley both love baseball so much. Evan was looking forward to that also. Plus I just think all of our other new friends would have so much fun with us. I wish things didn’t change – ever.

Thank you for not being upset when I didn’t want to play softball anymore. I never really thought about it from your point of view until Myles said something the other day. He told me how his parents always expected him to do everything better than everyone else because of what his last name is. I’m glad that I have your last name and that you don’t care if I play softball, swim, paint or most anything else, just not writing letters.

I miss Grandpa but I think he wouldn’t want us to miss the World Series. Love, Sophia

This last letter said it all!
thanks,
Terie

If that letter doesn't break through the barrier, I don't know what will.

Good letter, Sophia (and Pam)!! Hopefully this will open up Eric!!!

Joy

“Did you put her up to this?” Eric asked as he handed Jenna the latest of Sophia’s letters.

“No, as far as I know that assignment is over,” Jenna told him, handing the letter back.

“Aren’t you going to read it?” Eric wanted to know.

“Nope,” Jenna said and left the room. Eric followed her into the kitchen.

“Jens, I’m sorry for what I said,” Eric began.

“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t take it personally,” Jenna shrugged.

“I wanted you to,” Eric frowned.

“Thanks that makes me feel better,” Jenna replied, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“It just seems that this hasn’t bothered you. I mean you just took it all in stride this summer. Didn’t flinch when I said I wanted to go to Chicago for a week in July, didn’t flinch when I said I didn’t want to go to the beach house with you and the kids – it bothered me that you just went on with everything. I convinced myself that it was because it wasn’t your dad,” Eric looked at the letter in his hands.

“Then I read what Sophia wrote and I realized that you were trying to make things as normal as possible for the kids so they could deal with the grief. You never talked to me and you have always talked to me,” Eric said.

“I didn’t talk to you about it because you wouldn’t talk about it. I talked to Sue, to Janie, to Mary, to my mom. I talked to Evan about it on the 12 hour drive home from Chicago. I talked to Sophia about it whenever she would let me – which wasn’t very often. I talked to everyone but you because you retreated,” Jenna told him. “I couldn’t decide whether to press you or leave you alone. After answering many questions from many of our friends I decided to leave you alone - apparently that was the wrong choice. I was trying to be the reasonable person and I hate being the reasonable person.”

First off, Sophia is one smart cookie. Out of the mouth of babes!

And poor Jenna! I don't think she could have won this one whatever way she played it. If she hadn't left him alone he would have been angry about that. At least they're talking now -- months later -- but they're talking!

kav

Kav, you are right!! They are talking now, and we can thank Sophia for that!!!

Joy

“I actually picked up my phone to call my dad the other morning. I had dialed the area code before I realized that he wouldn’t be there to answer. I wanted to know what he thought about the playoff picture, when they would be coming and then I suddenly realized that he wouldn’t be coming – ever. It just seemed stupid to me that after five months I wouldn’t be okay with all of this,” Eric swallowed hard.

“Oh Eric,” Jenna went and stood next to him with her hand on his cheek, “Why would you be okay with this?”

“I just figured it has been five months and I should get over it,” Eric said.

“How old are you?” Jenna asked him quietly.

“What kind of question is that? You know how old I am, two years older than you,” Eric was clearly frustrating.

“You are one of those fortunate people in that until five months ago your dad was there for you whenever you needed him. He guided you thru your life, let you play baseball and never pressured you. He was so proud of your accomplishments, not just those related to baseball but all of your accomplishments and your brother’s and sisters’ also. When you look back on all of those years, why would you ever think that everything would be better in just five months?” Jenna wanted to know.

“Because I’m tired of people walking on eggshells around me. I just want it to be okay,” Eric said.

“I don’t know that it will ever be completely okay and I don’t know that I ever want it to. I think it will get easier but I think there will be a part of you that will always miss your dad and that is the best tribute you can ever give. I have been so worried about you because you haven’t wanted to deal with this. It struck you at the baseball game in Chicago this summer then you just put it away again - until now.”

“Matt calls me weekly, rather than calling you because he is so worried he will say the wrong thing. Finally the past couple weeks I have told him that I don’t think there is a wrong thing to say but I would appreciate it if he would just call you and say something.”

“He did – told me he was coming to visit. I told him not too because I’m not really looking forward to watching anymore baseball this year, especially the World Series,” Eric told her.

“Well Sophia and Evan are so I think you have too. They find comfort in this and they want you to find it too. Plus Sophia has invited all of our friends and Riley has some other plan about movies in the yard,” Jenna explained.

Eric raised his eyebrows at that so she continued “Like a drive-in but with lawn chairs in the front yard. He said he had a projector, someone has a screen or at least a white sheet and movies. It’s happening on Friday, at our house.”

“Why at our house?” Eric wanted to know.

“Because then you have to attend,” Jenna told him. “If you want people to quit walking on eggshells around you then you have to allow them to comfort you. This is Riley’s way of doing that. Pretty sure Jack, Myles and Bobby have already jumped on the bandwagon as well.”

“It’s hard. Harder than watching when you know you should be playing,” Eric admitted.

“We have watched together many times when you thought you should be playing, in many places with many different people. We can do it together again this year,” Jenna promised.

“I love you,” Eric told her.

“How much?” she wanted to know.

“What?” he asked.

“I forgot to thaw anything out for dinner so I’m hoping you love me enough to take us out,” she smiled, kissed his cheek then whispered “I love you too.”

A most excellent and much needed conversation. And I loved the last bit...

That's SO Jenna!

I'm glad Jenna spoke up and I hope Eric will finally be able to grieve properly. The World Series will be a perfect day, he'll see that.

A perfect Jenna/Eric moment!!!

Joy

definitely a perfect moment between a loving husband and wife. I could feel Eric's frustration and Jenna gently letting him know that's okay but reminding him that they are all going through this together. They really do need to put the kid's first in this and Eric needs to look at what he can do for them. He might be surprised to find out just how comforting that will turn out to be.

kav

Dear Sophia,
I told you no more letters but I think that was an over-reaction so I thought I better write you one. I haven’t written many letters recently although I did used to write your mom quite a bit.

I guess I haven’t told you lately how proud I am of you. It was incredible to watch you and Evan and all the cousins at the baseball game this summer. My dad loved baseball and loved going to the games in Chicago. It was quite a tribute to him in July for all of us to be there.

It never bothered me that you didn’t want to play softball. The reason why and the person responsible for it bothered me. It's funny because I have heard lately how much you are like me but truth be told you are so like your mom. You are caring and loving and wanting to take care of anyone that might be hurt, even me, but you don’t share your hurt with many people.

I wish that things didn’t have to change either but they do and I suppose we both have to learn to accept it and remember that sometimes changes brings good things too. For now though we can spend those last precious days of fall together, watching the World Series, eating snack foods in our family room filled with the many types of family that we have accumulated over the years and Matt. Don’t tell Matt I said that! Then we will cuddle up for the winter and start the countdown to Spring Training!

So what color is going to win this year? No books from the library and I might have to quit giving credit for creativity and only give credit for correct, fact based answers. Nah then Matt would be the only one to win anything, well maybe Riley.

With love, Dad

THE END