One kind word can warm three winter months.
~Japanese Proverb~


Her heart just wasn’t in it.

Usually… she was finding the radio stations as quickly as possible so that she could listen to Christmas music and sing along.

Or baking cookies the minute the calendar changed to November. One couldn’t be too prepared when it came to holiday season and cookies in the bullpen.

Or begging them to let her decorate the bullpen for Christmas. She’d been able to get Jack to give in as early as Veteran’s day one year.

It seemed like a long time ago.

But had only been the year before.

This year… her heart just … wasn’t in it.

Her eyes were guarded as she looked up from her computer and looked around the room, inwardly relieved when none of them looked up and saw her studying them. She glanced at Bobby’s empty desk and sighed softly before she turned her eyes back to her computer.

“Face it Tara…” She murmured softly to herself. “He’s gone… and you have to figure out where your Holiday spirit went.”

Where has Bobby gone? He's not gone for good, is he?

:whimper:

Lindsy

How could you misplace Bobby first post of the fanfic???? Gripping start, mione, you capture Tara's despondency well...kind of depressing me in the process.

kav

Where's he??

Tere

This is serious! Tara with no jingle bells? No holly and ivy? No "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?"

And no BOBBY???

Hee hee what an eye catching opener hun. *glances around to make sure no one is looking* I have no idea where Bobby went. *smiling Innocently*

Hmm.... misplaced Bobby, you say? Hmm... I don't think I've misplaced him....



That was it… her Holiday spirit was gone.

But was it gone for a day… gone for a night… gone for the rest of her life?

She sighed heavily as she shook her head, trying to rid her brain of the Chris Cagle song … What Kind Of Gone was a great song but she didn’t need to be twisting the words to fit her missing holiday spirit.

Maybe she should put out a BOLO on it…

‘Hmm…’ she mused. “That has merit…” She sighed. ‘Be on the Look out’ for Tara’s Holiday spirit.

Bobby being gone at the same time that her Holiday spirit had gone AWOL … well… she supposed he wasn’t really ‘gone’… just sorta… away.

Tara scowled at her computer when it beeped at her… not wanting to do what she wanted it to. She ran a hand through her hair and began to type furiously… re-typing the lines of code that she needed.

The park had ruined everything.

Well, Stanley showing up had ruined everything.

No… the words ‘If I wasn’t still in love with Darcy…’ had definitely ruined just about everything.

And she only had herself to blame.

She shouldn’t have kissed him back.

She’d met him halfway…. Lips parted open slightly as her eyelids fluttered to a close as their lips met and she couldn’t help but try to get as much of his kiss that she could.

But then he’d pulled away and her eyes had opened out of surprise to look at a decisively confused look on his face.

She’d barely been breathing.

Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest but all she could do was manage an ‘uh… yeah… see you tomorrow.’ before she practically backed her way into the house, her eyes on his face, a hopeful feeling in her chest.

She should have known that the world as she knew it was coming to an end.

There was no way her world could ever go back to the way it was before that night.

And it hadn’t.

Her world was just as topsy turvy now as it had been ten months ago.

Ah...the pain of unrequited love......so sad......

Please make Tara's better!!!!

Rachel

So the kiss between Bobby and Tara was 10 months ago. Has her world been topsy-turvy ever SINCE, or has something else happened, recently, to make it so? I will definitely BOLO for Tara's Holiday Spirit!

Love this song! And now...just what kinda gone is Bobby?

How I wish he had never said those words...painful to watch every time.

Can't wait to see where you take this....you will bring Bobby back soon, won't you?

Poor Tara!

Tere

I thought it was agonizing to watch that on the show but you've added a whole new level of angst by rehashing it here. Ten months...she's been stewing over it for ten months. Or, at any rate, pretending that everything is fine for ten months. And just how long has Bobby been gone...and where exactly has he gone too? And what is BOLO?

kav

Kav, BOLO means "Be On the LookOut". It's police/federal agent slang... I guess you could say.

So, Mione... just what KIND of gone is Bobby? Is he there but distant? Or is he away on an assignment kind of gone?

Lindsy

Ah Tara . . . You need to do something for you. Take a hobby, it may help you get over him

“Tara… are you all right?” Sue asked softly, stopping by Tara’s desk on her way out of the bullpen to go to the ladies room. She’d been watching Tara after she noticed Tara staring at Bobby’s desk. It wasn’t until Tara had been mouthing some sort of song lyric… to Sue’s surprise not a Christmas song… that she became concerned at Tara’s recent mood.

Tara looked up, eyes wide as she stared at Sue. “Sure…” She managed a smile. “I’m fine.” She nodded. “Really.”

She hoped that she was convincing. Because she wasn’t really sure that she was fine.

Sue smiled softly and nodded before she left the bullpen.

Tara breathed a sigh of relief and turned her attention back to her computer. She counted silently under her breath to count down how long it would be before she could escape. She couldn’t help the glance she threw at Bobby’s empty desk again.

She sighed.

Empty.

Just as it had been every day in the last few weeks.

Ever since his parents had come into town for a visit… he’d been glad they were coming… eager to share them with the team. Only Tara had managed to stay away… get herself loaned to White Collar at the last minute or something. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to meet his parents….

Just that…

Well…

Something inside her had hoped that it would be different circumstances that led to her introduction to his Mum and Pops as he called them and that the team came back to work the next day boasting over what they’d said or done the night before.

Tara frowned. She hadn’t been thinking that way before the concert. So it was a tad bit unsettling and disturbing that she should feel that way now. There wasn’t anything that had transpired between them except a kiss on her front porch.

Just a kiss.

Certainly wasn’t enough to change their relationship… just… powerful enough to help him reach a decision about who he was in love with. She could handle that… He was one of her best friends and if she thought that her kiss was really that powerful, maybe she should offer to kiss Jack so that he would be able to reach a decision about Sue.

The kiss didn’t change anything. She sighed.

Who was she trying to kid?

Bobby… her best friend… ready and eager partner to go question a suspect… the man who thought nothing of bundling her into his way too big for her gray sweatshirt when they were playing football against the DEA… that Bobby… was gone.

Never to be as close as they had been. They had skirted issues with each other. And neither was in a relationship now… she knew he wasn’t and she certainly hadn’t been since Stanley accepted a position that had him posted over in London. But they didn’t really talk the way they used to and she was often joined by Myles when she’d head out to do a little questioning.

She cursed the hamsters.

Darn rodents.

It was all their fault.

This is heartbreaking, but at the same time, funny. Maybe she should go for it....I'm sure she'd get some kind of reaction!

Um.....hamsters?

I wonder if bobby feels the same way, but i am glad his parents are there for the holidays. ITs good for him

It's fantastic that Bobby's parents are there! , but I feel sorry for Tara, she's so sad
Hamsters? I'm a little confused now

Tere

Hamsters as in Hamsters in my heart, from Mojo Gogo

Ah! That makes sense. Thanks!

Tara not in the christmas spirit? Come on sue you and Lucy should definatley start work on Operation Christmas Cheer. I suggest you start with Tara. LOL

Dianna

Mione, I'm excited to see you've joined the challenge!!!

Tara without any Christmas spirit?? I didn't know anything could make her spirit go AWOL!! And, Bobby is gone?? On vacation while his parents are here?? And, she has managed to NOT meet them???

A BOLO is definitely called for here!!!

Joy

Heehee... Hamsters.

Lindsy

Oh -- I would soooo like to see that!!! And Jack's face when she seriously offers her lips up to ensure his future happiness??? And
Okay, I shouldn't be laughing because Tara's obviously distraught...but I fear this pitched me over. I wonder if she is lamenting the fact that she has hamsters in her heart...or that they've run off and left her heart empty? Hard to know with complex lyrics like that.

I'm slightly mollified because Bobby is in town with his parents and not anyone else dire or otherwise. But I'm miffed that Tara dodged meeting his parents. I bet he was very disappointed and I bet his Mum could have whacked some sense into the two of them in the kindest way... I guess I just have to wait and see what happens...impatiently, mind you.

kav

“Tara… are you coming with us tonight?” Lucy asked as she paused by Tara’s desk. “We’re going to be going and meeting up with Bobby and his parents for dinner… you don’t have plans do you?”

Tara blinked at her. “Ah… uh… well…” She ran her hand through her hair. “I sorta…”

“Oh! You’ve got a date tonight!” Lucy grinned at her. “Of course you have plans…” she gushed. “Forget I said anything.”

“Um, sure.” Tara smiled, sighing softly when Lucy walked away. What was so hard about spitting out that she had no plans?

Of course she didn’t have a date.

She hadn’t wanted to plunge into the world of blind dates again and since the only man she found herself day dreaming about lately didn’t seem to remember she existed… well…

She sighed again.

She wondered if a kiss would backfire on her again if she was to kiss him again.

Tara tapped her pen against her teeth.

He wasn’t with anyone right now that her kiss could force him to choose… her eyes narrowed slightly as she considered the idea.

So surely a kiss would jump start it in a good way, right?

Her brow furrowed.

No… it might backfire.

It could drive him to tell her that he’s just simply not interested in her as anything more than a friend. Just one of the guys. Just…

Tara.

This whole thing of being an adult would be so much easier if there was some sort of machine that would allow her to read the adult male mind.

She didn’t want to read all of them. Just his.

To give her some sort of inkling as to where she stood again.

She sighed, smiling slightly and giving the others a wave as they headed out of the bullpen… off to meet up with Bobby and his parents at a restaurant.

And she… sighing again as she shut down her computer and gathered her things. … had a date with a container of take out and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

Dang it Tara . . .

Mione, Bobby better be disappointed she didn't come and doesn't care if she could be on a date he calls her anyways

Lucy -- for a matchmaking protégé you can be soooo dense!!! I

or... maybe not.

Now Bobby is going to think Tara has a date and he's going to think that she has more important things to do with her time then meet his parents and he's going to think that she doesn't even care about him like a friend and...and....and... I am not amused.

kav

Ooh, that could be a scary place to be, lol.

And if Tara could design that machine, she'd make a fortune!

Mione, it's so much fun to get into Tara's brain this way. I can't wait to see what you do with one of our favorite couples.

Our favorite team sure likes to play at cross purposes, don't they???

Joy

Me, neither . . .

Not good!
Tere

Would it be too much to ask that Tara gets a surprise visit from a certain handsome Aussie hunk who just so happens to end up on her front porch carrying a pint of ben and jerry's for them to share because she suddenly realized that she was out?

(phew... that question was a mouthful!)

No? I thought not....

Oh well!




Maybe she can make an appearance at dinner?

Please?

Lindsy

“Again she’s not coming?” Bobby asked, his eyes hopeful as he gave Lucy’s face a searching look.

“Nope. Hot date.” Lucy grinned at him, having no idea that her words were twisting a sharp knife into his gut and corkscrewing his very heart and soul out of him.

“Ah… I had no idea she was dating someone.” He mumbled before turning and grabbing the beverages that he’d come up to get and going back to his parents… who were happily holding court with Sue… Pops scratching Levi behind the ears as Mum talked with Sue.

Lucy tilted her head to watch him go before ordering her own drink.

“Here you go, Sue…” Bobby smiled as he handed over her ginger ale with the lime twist before setting drinks in front of his parents. “Well… Tara’s not joining us again.” He stated.

“Oh that’s a shame.” Mum said before taking a sip of her tequila sunrise. “You’ve spoken to us about her so much we’ve wanted to meet her most of all.”

“Even if Jack’s reputation did proceed him.” Pops boomed as he grabbed his mug and toasted Jack before taking a swig of the beer that was on tap. The group laughed and everyone fell back into the conversations they were involved in before Bobby had returned to the table.

He shifted his scotch on the rocks on the table uneasily.

Tara was dating?

He supposed that he’d waited too long… watching her… waiting for her to look at him every day before he turned charming and flirtatious. He’d even offered her one of his precious ice cream sammies one day… only to be informed that she preferred to let hers melt naturally.

Always witty, his girl Tara.

He scowled slightly as he took a sip of his drink.

Guess she wasn’t really his girl.

Not if she was involved with someone again. Someone else.

He sighed, glancing up when Myles spoke to him and they began to regale his parents with tales of their dealings with Randy Pitts and the never ending despair over the monthly voucher forms. Bobby’s mood began to impove and it wasn’t long before he was laughing over one of their more creative endeavors to get their money recovered and back in their wallets.

Bobby she just had a hot date, thats it, she is not in a serious relationship or married or anything like that . . . don't give up

Poor Tara. You know the problem is that Bobby is WAY too good at hiding his feelings . . . because, of course, it's ALWAYS the guy's fault . . . isn't it??

Oh uh!! Bobby and Tara must talk!!!

Tere

You know, I never really believed that Tara would be that much of an old-fashioned kind of girl. I mean, what would the problem be if she just ended up on his doorstep and planted a big one on his lips?



Lindsy

Poor Bobby.

If I was Tara, I'd be right in there, letting Bobby see just how well I could relate to his parents - maybe as a daughter-in-law???

Joy

Well this is not going well at all! Tara and Bobby are so that I'm in a full blown and I can't figure out how you're gonna fix this one.

kav

Tara sighed heavily for a moment as she kicked off her shoes and made her way into the living room to deposit the armload of things she was carrying.

A quick detour into her room so that she could change into a comfy set of exercise pants and a sweatshirt before going back out to the living room was not only called for but extremely needed.

Sometimes she pondered her job and wondered why it was that she'd chosen one that required such a strict dress code. If she'd gone into computer programming on her own then she could dress so much more comfortably on a daily basis.

"Note to self... check into computer programming business..." Tara said to the empty room as she popped the first DVD into her player and made herself at home on her couch.

"Check into costs and possible contracts with government agencies." She nodded as though agreeing with herself as the DVD started it's programming of various ads and the upcoming movie events as well as that familiar FBI notice about pirating.

Why was it that no one really ever thought to take that seriously? She wondered before reaching towards the coffee table and pouring herself a glass of wine to go with her container of Chinese take out.

She'd come to an interesting conclusion while she was out tonight.

Interesting... but accompanied by a theory that she was willing and anxious to check out in the hopes of finding her lost Holiday spirits.

A container of Kung Pao Chicken and chow mein for the hole in her stomach, a nice glass of wine or two... perhaps three... for the buzzing in her head, a pint of Ben & Jerry's Heath Bar Coffee Crunch for the hole in her heart and an armful of holiday movies.

Surely somewhere amid a showing of Elf or Polar Express or even Miracle on 34th Street, she'd find a smidgen of her usual holiday spunk and spirit.

She settled in to the couch, feet tucked up underneath herself as she popped a bite of her dinner in her mouth.

Those movies would be sure to help... but she was stubbornly starting with 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. She sipped on the wine and willed her heart to ignore the hole in it and expand the way the Grinch's would by the end of the movie.

Buzz not good, phone calls could be made when a person has a buzz . . . bad phone calls

Awww, poor Tara. I hope a night of good food, drinks and movies does help, but I have a feeling it's going to take a little more than that to truly put her in the holiday spirit.

I still say Bobby should pay her a visit.

Lindsy

Oh...Tara... , I think that those two had to TALK soon, very soon!!

Tere

Oh dear -- do you think maybe some Christmas fairy dust could transport her to Bobby? I have a feeling she's going to end up more depressed by the end of the evening. Something Bobby could alleviate...if he put his mind to it.

kav

Tara woke up on the couch. ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ playing on the TV as she slept, once the movies were over, the DVD player had switched off and the TV channel just happened to be playing something that fit her theme. She rubbed at her eyes tiredly and ran a hand through her hair. She glanced around her living room.

She had a lot of work to do.

She hadn’t decorated…

Shopped….

Baked cookies….

Purchased presents.

“Presents…” She gasped, glancing at the clock again. “Christmas is so close…” Tara had to take a deep breath or she would have started to really panic at the fact that Christmas was just over two weeks away.

“Okay…” She nodded, struggling to sit up before getting off the couch and turning off the TV. “Time to get cracking.” She spent just a few moments picking up after her night in the night before. She glanced at the clock. “Decent parking at the mall if I leave in the next few…” She mumbled to herself before rushing into the shower.

Her holiday spirit was restored by her evening of movie watching and she hurried through her shower, dressing simply in jeans and a festive sweater, adorned with snowmen and her watch… shoes and socks, hair pulled up into a messy clipped pony tail. She grabbed her purse and was out the door, eager to start her holiday season for the first time this year.

YES TARA!! GOOD FOR YOU! ENJOY THE CHRISTMAS MOOD!!

Tere

Yay! Can't wait to see what she picks out.