Cradling his son, less than 24 hours old, in his arms he blinked back the tears pooling in his eyes.

Brown eyes met brown eyes and he would have sworn to everyone that the baby smiled up at him before gripping his thumb with tiny fingers.

Despite his vision of a wife and son some time ago he hadn’t ever truly believed that he would be so blessed.

For 15 anxious hours he had paced the hospital corridors waiting for news while the woman he loved with every fibre of his being struggled to deliver their first child.

Each time the door opened he approached hopefully, desperate for news, only to be greeted by a smiling nurse patting his hand and telling him ‘your wife is doing well, not much longer Mr Murdoch……..’ before she disappeared back in to the room never to be seen again.

Finally, just as he was about to barge his way in, the door opened and he was invited to enter and meet his son.

‘William’ she held out the tiny bundle waiting for her husband to hold their child. Instead he stepped away, afraid to take him, afraid to drop him.

For 6 months since she had told him she was carrying their child he had lain awake at night and tormented himself in the day with worries about his abilities to be the father their child deserved. And each night she had held him in her arms, prayed for him and with him and reminded him that he had spent months worrying about his ability to be the husband she deserved ‘and you have been everything I wished for and more William, and you will be the best poppa to this little one and any more God blesses us with……..’

Her gentle tone and understanding had touched his soul and helped to erase the painful memories of his childhood and until this moment he thought he had cracked it, thought he could handle being a father.

‘It’s alright William, you won’t break him…..’ his wife patted the bed and shuffled over a little to allow him to sit beside her.

‘Look William, he’s the image of his daddy……. the nurses were amazed that he has brown eyes already…… I expect you know that almost all babies have blue eyes when they are born’ she smiled as he nodded having read that fact in one of his many journals.

‘He is so small’ William breathed softly, wanting to hold his son, wanting to get to know him and begin to bond with him ‘so fragile…….’ his fingers itched to take their baby from her, itched to touch his soft skin and caress his cheek yet his mind over-ruled them and he contented himself with gazing at the small life their love had created.

‘William, he won’t bite’ she smiled, ‘he is a gift from God, a blessing from above……’

Silently she watched and waited, all too aware of the turmoil in his heart as he again fought the pain from his past to allow the hopes for the future take control.

Finally he held out his arms, tears trickling down his cheeks as he held their baby boy to his chest, tenderly stroking his back and praying for him, his wife and himself as the baby snuggled closer and let out a contented sigh.

While his wife rested back on the pillows and began to regain her strength William cuddled his son, talking softly to him as he slept.

Moving carefully to sit in the chair beside the bed William kept a tender hold on his son as his wife closed her eyes and allowed exhaustion to wash over her.

‘Father help me to be the poppa he deserves’ gazing in awe at the child who gazed back William prayed for help, ‘don’t let me be like Harry please…..’ tears pooled in his eyes as he spoke, the fear constricting his heart.

‘William you are my son, my precious child, the apple of my eye as your son is precious to you……. seek my guidance for your family, love him as I love you……. you are not your father William, take strength and wisdom from the woman who stands beside you…….’

As the baby began to fuss some time later and chew his fist William reluctantly woke his wife.

Taking the boy from her husband she smiled tenderly at William who was keen to change his nappy and take a share in the care of his child regardless of the norms of Toronto society.

‘Thank you Anna, for our son…… for loving me’ he whispered softly, blinking back the emotions he was experiencing.

‘William, it’s a joy to be with you, it’s easy to love you and I know you will be the best poppa to our children’ her warm smile and gentle hand on his arm spoke of her faith in his ability.

Taking his son in his arms while Anna slept William gazed in awe at the baby, his heart bursting with love for the life for which he was now responsible ‘we’ll have tough times, disagreements, good times, fun and laughter but I promise you now Stephen James Arthur Murdoch I will never raise a hand to you….. you will never know that pain in your life……. I promise you that you will always know you are loved my son………’

Tears trickled down his cheeks as the child gurgled and kicked his chubby legs in response before grabbing William’s thumb with his fingers and offering up a smile which, so far as William thought, showed confidence in his poppa and brought peace to his soul and a smile to his lips.


Fade

Word count 953

Absolutely beautiful, Cath!! Thank you so much!

Oh, Cath, you are the master of Murdoch!!!! Blissful sigh. I wondered if you'd reveal his wife's name and you did! Anna! Yay!!!!!!!!!!! I can see William struggling with all of this and being in such awe of his tiny son. You conveyed the emotions beautifully.

kav

ohh that was wonderful! I agree with Kav, you are the master of Murdoch
I had a feeling it would be Anna, knew it wouldn't be Julia

That was beautiful Cath just beautiful so much like William and so full of emotion how well you write William Cath
Lin

Very lovely,
thanks,
Terie

I agree, you are the master of Murdoch. That was so beautifully written, just as I would picture William struggling with his past. I was happy to see it was Anna he married and loved his prayer for guidance as well as his love for his son.

Thank you for a wonderful read.

Anne

What would I do without you Cath to get my Murdoch fix.

This for a change is not about William's female relationships, but pleasantly surprised you chose Anna as his wife...I really liked her in the opening episode of this series...felt she was more like Amy from the books.

As for William my heart goes out for him as he is just on the threshold of fatherhood... the tears coming to my eyes as held his newborn for the very first time, going through every emotion a new father could have.

Love this, although you could read it as in todays society, looking through Williams eyes we see the image of an uptight victorian society as William paced the hospital corridors waiting for Anna to deliver their beautiful baby boy.

Lets hope all of William's doubts about being a father have now disapppeared. William could never be like his father, Harry...with that gentle, caring soul of his.

Love your quote Cath...`Brown eyes met brown eyes`

This is definitly a cloud nine post

What a beautiful look at William's emotions as he battles his past, overcoming his fears in order to hold his newborn son. Thank you for sharing Cath.

Karen

What a wonderful story, Cath!! You've caught William beautifully - I can see him going through these doubts while wanting to love and care for his new born son!!!

I'm so glad you picked Anna for his wife!! I really would like to see more of her!!!

Thanks for sharing your incredible talent with us once again!!!

Joy

Beautifully done, Cath.

Everyone else has already said it all, but it bears repeating. I love the way you write Murdoch stories and especially this one with William's first impression of his baby son. Beautifully written evoking emotions which tugged at my heart. And, like the others, so glad Anna is his wife. She is much more suited to William, like JACKEYES said.

Thank you for a wonderful read.

Lynn

This is so amazing. I'm sure I'm echoing everyone else here - the way you write William Murdoch is breathtaking in its beauty and purity. I just love this!

Thank you so much for sharing, Cath.

Sly

I'm with everyone else Cath....that was beautiful!!!! Thank you for sharing that with us!

Beautiful, just beautiful!